“Well, we’ve talked about this one.” He points to the naked lady that he supposedly got on the night of his twenty-first birthday because Ronan bet him a hundred bucks he wouldn’t do it — he did.
“And this one.” He rests his palm on the outside of one bicep, which is hidden by his shirt but that I know holds a tiger, his first tattoo at fifteen. A symbol of strength and vitality.
“And now you know about this one,” he says, turning his forearm so I can see all of Huck — hat, pipe, everything.
“What about this?” I roll his wrist to reveal the inside of the same arm and a bird that sits, wings spanned from end to end.
“It’s a sparrow. Ro and I each got one when I turned eighteen. They’re known for their loyalty and resilience. Sparrows are extremely adaptable. They can survive in all kinds of difficult situations.” He looks at the tattoo thoughtfully, like he’s remembering all over again why it’s there.
“Like you,” I say, brushing his cheek with my thumb.
He looks up to me and leans into my touch.
“I meant what I said before, Claire.” His voice is low and gravelly, his eyes despondent. “I’m—”
“Perfect.” I cut him off, using the same word he used to describe me, just last night.
“Not even close,” he sighs.
“Well, neither am I,” I say matter-of-factly. “And that’s what you said to me. Am I supposed to believe that you were lying when you said it just because I don’t think it’s true?”
His eyes bounce back and forth between mine, taken aback by my response.
“I’m serious.” I turn to him, his head now back, resting on the headboard. “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it too.”
“Claire, that’s not what I—”
“I’m not done.” I’m not sure what has taken over me, but this want, noneed, to get through to him that he is more than what’s happened to him, takes over. He shifts his whole body so that he’s facing me head-on. “I get it. You have a past and baggage, and okay, you’re not perfect, but neither am I. And I need you to stop worrying about damaging me and start accepting that I want to be here.” I take his hand in mine. “That I’mchoosingto be here.” He sits up straighter, rubbing his thumb up and down each of my knuckles.
“I’m choosing you, Jay. All of you. Even the parts I don’t know yet. Because Iwantto know them. Iwantyou. And Ineedyou to believe me.”
In one swift movement, he picks me up and lays me on the bed, his tall frame casting a shadow over top of me.
“What are you doing?” I say weakly, suddenly searching for breath.
“Believing you.” It’s not exactly what I meant, but I struggle to argue as he plants suggestive kisses on my chest.
“Was it something I said?” I ask slyly, coaxing a soft chuckle from him that’s like music to my ears.
“Will you just lay still?” he growls, lifting my shirt and moving his lips further down my torso.
“The food will be here in like ten minutes!” I protest as he grips my waistband.
He looks up at me under hooded eyes, a playfulness about him that I’m seeing for the first time tonight. I’m reminded that there are so many sides to the man in front of me. To the man that I realize I’m falling for.
He winks, wiggling my shorts slowly to my knees. “Plenty of time.”
33
Jamison
Iwake up, reaching across to the other side of the bed, feeling for Claire but coming up empty. Rubbing my eyes, I scan her room, only to find she’s not there either. I slide my jeans over my underwear and head toward the bathroom.
I swish with mouthwash I find on the sink, and check my reflection. I look surprisingly rested considering I haven’t showered, and I’m in desperate need of a cigarette. I guess spending all night either talking — or not talking — to Claire, is somehow more refreshing than sleeping alone with my tormenting thoughts.
Opening the bedroom door, I’m hit by the smell of coffee and the sound of a quicktap tap tap. Claire, who somehow looks more beautiful in the morning, is sitting on the couch with her legs crossed like a pretzel and her laptop perched on top. Her face is serious, but bright, as she stares intently at the screen.
“Good morning,” I say, leaning on the door frame. She looks up at me quickly and twitches like I caught her off guard.
