She shifted her in seat. “Because I do not think it is healthy to read her words of adoration after the way she treated you. It’s as if there are two versions of her in your mind. One which you hold onto in your heart, and another that you cannot come to grips with because it does not match what you knew of her. This is what happens when people smile to your face. She deceived you, Noah. Giving you a wink and a charming grin when within her heart was stone. And yet I—” She stopped and cleared her throat. “After what you made me do on the bluffs, I feel it is only fair that we do something similar for you.”
He leaned back in his chair, mulling over Hannah’s words as he propped his foot over his knee. “And you think burning the letters would be beneficial to me. To be rid of the old Margaret that you think I’m holding on to?”
“Yes. Because I am your friend and want what is best for you.”
Noah let out a long sigh, pretending to be put out. “There is only one problem with that.”
Her eyes grew guarded. “What?”
“I’ve already burned them.”
Chapter 18
ThewarningMrs.Gibbonshad issued to Hannah plagued her. That, paired with Noah’s conversation after dinner last night, had kept her in her room for most of the day. Night had fallen while she fretted the day away.
At first, hearing that Noah had burned Margaret’s letters had brought her hope. But as Hannah continued to ponder it, the more she realized it was like a nail in her coffin. Noah had burned the letters weeks ago, spent time with Hannah, and yet, at dinner yesterday, had gone so far as to compare her to a sister. Now Hannah feared it was not Noah’s broken heart holding him back, but rather herself. She had been too much of a friend to him. Perhaps she should have done as Sarah said and tried to get him to see her in a romantic light after all. But how could she regret the moments she and Noah had together? To give them up would have meant giving up their closeness and familiarity with one another. And Hannah could not have presented herself to Noah in a romantic light so soon after Margaret’s rejection.
There was no simple answer to her quandary.
And then there was the ball. A whole other matter entirely, for Hannah needed to decide whether she would entertain another man to keep her mother from holding Noah’s actions over the Bradleys to garner a proposal. But how could Hannah look Noah in the eyes, married, knowing that he saw her as a sister while her heart ached to be near him? And yet, Hannah’s other option was to do the one thing she had been avoiding—marrying a man she did not know or love with the understanding he was likely doing so as a business transaction.
But perhaps she was being too hasty. While she did not wish to marry a near stranger, it was possible that they would find comfort and familiarity over the span of their life.
Even as she tried to convince herself of it, her stomach churned. For that man would still not be Noah.
An idea sprouted in her mind. One that would have to be enacted quickly to work. A small voice warned her not to be impetuous, to only be patient and wait to see if something would happen on its own. But time was not a luxury Hannah had. In less than two weeks, men would be flaunted in front of her, and she would be expected to welcome their attentions. If she could find out before then exactly what Noah’s feelings really were, then her goals for the evening would be clear. And if he did not return her affection, she would choose someone at Lady Chatham’s ball. For having her father pressure Noah into marrying her was simply not an option. Hannah believed that Noah would say yes, if only to save her.
Hannah sat in her window, staring out at the gray sky as rain sliced against the glass. A rumble of thunder gently shook the panes, and she pressed her fingertips against the cool surface. As wind swayed the branches of trees below, another memory crept into her mind. A memory of Noah’s hands on her waist and whispered words tickling her skin. It was hardly how friends behaved with one another, but not having had any close male friends to speak of, she had nothing to compare his actions to. And now, Hannah’s mother had forbidden her from any more outings with him.
The need to speak her mind and know once and for all was suddenly overwhelming. Which was precisely how she ended up at her writing table with a quill in hand and the tip scratching furiously away at a piece of foolscap. Before she could lose her nerve, she hastily folded, sealed, and addressed it. Her hands trembled as she slipped it between her fingers, pinning it in place as she pulled on the service bell in the corner of her room.
Soon, a soft knock sounded on her door.
“Come in,” Hannah called out.
Joyce slipped around the door before shutting it behind her. “Yes, miss?”
She held the note behind her back. “Joyce, I need you to tell me the truth.”
Joyce walked farther into the room. The candlelight shifted around them and moved their shadows. “Of course. What do you wish to know?”
“My mother told you to give Lord Noah and me privacy, did she not?”
Joyce’s eyes widened, and she swallowed. “She told you?”
Hannah’s fingers nervously toyed with the paper in her grasp. “She did. And has she told you to not allow that anymore?”
Joyce nodded, and her eyes dipped to the floor. “Please forgive me. I wouldn’t have taken her order, but I thought you partial to him and saw no harm in it. I hope he did not take advantage of my apathy.”
“No, he did not. Lord Noah is too good a man for that.” Hannah finally brought the folded paper out in front of her. “I have a favor to ask of you. And my mother cannot be the wiser.”
Joyce’s eyes latched onto the note. “What is it you need?”
“I need this letter delivered to Meadowview, but as it is from me, no one can know about it.”
“Is it a love letter?” Joyce smiled, coming several steps nearer.
Hannah put the paper in Joyce’s grasp, then gripped her hand. “My mother cannot know. Please. And in return, I will pay you handsomely for your silence.”
