“Enough,” Jessica said, shaking her head. “I suggest you leave, Robert.”
“Me? What about him?” He flung a hand at Griffith.
She shook her head, seemingly disgusted. “I can handle him.”
A thought sprang into his mind, and nausea filled his stomach. “Jessica, are you and Griffith . . .?” Robert’s eyes flew to him. “Are you sleep—”
“No, of course not,” she said with a grimace.
Griffith let out a bitter laugh as he rolled his eyes. “I had not realized a widow would be such a prude.”
And then Robert had the honor of feeling Griffith’s nose crunch beneath his fist.
Chapter thirty
Louisa sipped her tea,avoiding her mother’s gaze. They hadn’t spoken of the reason for her visit, but after two weeks, it seemed to raise her mother’s suspicions.
“So, Louisa, how has the duke’s behavior been since marriage? Is he the same in private as in public?”
Louisa let out a startled laugh. “Goodness, Mother. I had not realized it was you I inherited my loose tongue from.”
“Well, it certainly wasn’t from your father,” she said with a smile.
It had been difficult to keep Robert from her thoughts, and her mother’s reminder was not helping matters. But Louisa was determined to stay here until she could forget these feelings. Feelings left one susceptible to heartbreak, and heartbreak could break someone. Her reasoning still stood. She would not let herself fall victim to them.
“What is wrong, Louisa?” her mother asked, her brow lowering. “You have not been yourself since you arrived. I assume something is amiss at home?”
Louisa’s throat tightened, but she swallowed another swig of tea to force it open. “Nothing is amiss. I only missed you, Violet, Henry, and Colin. I had said you would be sick of me, hadn’t I?”
Her mother ran her finger along the rim of her cup. “You are lying, Louisa.”
Louisa shook her head, looking down at her lap. Frustration seeped into her. “Very well. Let me ask you a question, then.” She lifted her gaze. “Was it worth it?”
Her mother tilted her head to the side, her brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”
“Loving Father.” Louisa swallowed again. “Instead of the normal marriage of thetonwhere one only tolerates the other. Was it worth loving him? Even after he . . . passed.” She couldn’t meet her mother’s eyes, so she stared down at the swirl of cream in her cup instead.
Louisa felt a soft weight press into the seat beside her. “Louisa,” her mother said softly, pulling Louisa’s chin to look at her. “Do you love the duke?”
The choking sensation returned, and her eyes burned. “I do not want to.” She sniffed.
“But why, dear? Does he not feel the same?”
“He does.” Louisa glanced about the room, unable to bear her mother’s vulnerable gaze. “But I do not want it. I only wanted convenience. Why did he have to complicate things with love? Feelings are messy. One cannot—”
“Control them?”
With this, her eyes snapped back. Age had been kind to her mother, even if Louisa could see the dark circles beneath her eyes from nights without enough sleep.
When she didn’t respond, her mother continued. “Louisa, do you think I regret loving your father?”
“No, of course not.” Her voice pinched as emotions clawed their way to the surface. “But perhaps if you hadn’t loved him so deeply, it would have been easier to bear.”
She clasped Louisa’s hand. “I would not give up those years with your father for anything. They keep me company during my lonely nights. They fill my memories and bring me smiles. Now,” she said, pulling her hand back, “I will admit it was not always that way. At first, the memories brought pain. And while I still miss him tremendously, it’s different now.” A bird sang outside the open window, and her mother watched it in silence for a moment. “I cannot make you do anything, Louisa. But please do not close yourself off to happiness simply because you fear losing something. That will make for a very dull life indeed. I would much rather sit here with all the love in my heart than to look back and have nothing to miss.”
“But I’m scared,” Louisa whispered, tears brimming in her eyes. “When Father died, it was like our whole world ended. I do not know if I can go through that again. If I could only get a hold of my feelings—control what I allow in my heart—could I not rise above that pain?”
And then her mother laughed, smiling before turning sad eyes back to Louisa. “Oh, my sweet, sweet girl. Control is only an illusion. And it seems to me you’ve already given your heart away. Why not give in and see what joy life has for you, hm? Why, look at me now.” She gestured to the room around them. “I have two grown children who still come to me and talk about their lives, a grandson who adores me, and a daughter-in-law that is sweetness itself. My life is still happy, Louisa. Because I let love conquer the darkness.”
