Owen nodded, not wanting to admit she was right while still seeing reason in her words. But when someone felt like love was sprouting out of their chest, they hardly wished for reason. Though, he also did not want her to have regrets. If she chose him because she felt obligated after this night, then he would never forgive himself. This way, they could step back and see if their feelings remained unchanged after a bit of time apart. It made sense.
But if it made sense, why did it make his heart ache?
Chapter 18
Leah. Parting day.
LeahwatchedasOwenstepped into his carriage. This was necessary. For one, this had been the plan all along—for him to leave today. And two, it would give them time to assess their feelings and see if they desired to go forward or keep things as they were. Though, she could not deny that they could never completely go back to the way they were. She would never be able to see him again and not remember how soft his lips had been or how sweetly he had held her. While he might still be silly and like to tease her, he was not unkind. Rather the opposite in fact. He was sweet even when she was barraging him with insults and tricks. But he took it all in stride, joining her in their little game, but not out of malice. He simply enjoyed being a part of their family.
“Are you sad?” Cecily came up beside her, watching out the window as Owen’s carriage took off.
“Why would I be?”
Cecily shook her head. “I am not blind. I can see how you feel about him. And he about you. But if you do not wish to confide in your closest sister . . .” She grinned, raising her brow.
“He was only here for five days, Cecily. That is hardly enough time to know one’s heart.”
“Posh.” Cecily waved her off. “You have known him your entire life. Who do you know better other than our own brothers?”
That was just what Owen had pointed out, but she stood by what she said. “If, after he has been gone for a time, I still find myself thinking of him, then I will better understand myself. This has been rather unsettling.”
Cecily turned around and sat on the edge of the window. “You were both at such a formable age before. Now, you are adults. I believe it is natural to have different feelings for one another.”
Leah smiled, jutting out her chin. “Then I suppose we will just have to wait and see.”
Leah. Five days later.
How could time move so slowly? Leah had never remembered a twelfth night that was less enjoyable. It did not matter that Amelia had come to stay after Leah had been unable to make the trip the week prior. Yes, she did offer a certain comfort, but all Leah found herself talking about was Owen. Owen this and Owen that. Eventually, Amelia had had enough and gently told Leah that she would pack her trunks and leave if Leah was not able to find a single other topic of discussion. And that was saying something, for Amelia loved nothing more than to talk of eligible gentlemen.
The evenings were filled with cards and games, and Leah kept playing the wrong thing as her mind was otherwise occupied with how much Owen would have loved it. He would have done every single thing Rose requested of him, played every hand of cards, participated in every song sung. And without him, the same things that she had once enjoyed, now seemed lacking.
Every day she checked the correspondence to see if he had perhaps sent her a letter, saying he felt the same. But every day the post came and there was nothing from him. She really only had herself to blame—telling him that they needed time apart. But surely that did not mean they could not communicate at all. He could have at least sent a quick note, saying that she filled his thoughts incessantly, without tiring or without ceasing. Or, that her face filled his mind so fully that he could not see anything else, making work impossible, and causing him to take to his bed frequently because it was simply too much to bear. Surely that was not too much for a girl to expect.
Finally, on the second day of the new year, a letter arrived from Mr. Owen Turner. Unfortunately, it was annoyingly addressed to her father. She trailed after him, doing her best to seem unsuspicious, all the while attempting to read over his shoulder.
He turned around, his brow furrowed. “Is something the matter, Leah?”
“Oh, nothing. I was only wondering if Owen made it home safely.”
Her father nodded, raising the letter back up as he reread a portion. “Yes, it seems so. He wished to thank your mother and I for having him and expresses his hope to visit again soon.”
“Soon?” She tried not to sound eager, but judging by her father’s quizzical brow, she was not succeeding. “How soon?” She looked down at the toe of her shoe, making a great show of examining it so her father could see just how disinterested she was with his answer.
He folded the letter up. “It did not say.”
“What?” Her shoulders sagged.
Her father narrowed an eye as he watched her odd behavior. “Did you expect something different?”
“I only thought he was a more precise man than that. It is not polite to give notice of company but no details as to when to expect it. It is rather like saying you owe a bill, but not being told when it is due. How can one prepare for it?”
He smiled, patting her shoulder. “I do not believe his visit will be a hardship. Rather the opposite in fact. He keeps all of you so busy that I get a bit of a break while he is here.” And then he had the nerve to walk off with a smile on his face.
A visit? But no word as to when? The last week had been a torment. Yes, she had wanted time to evaluate her heart, but now she wondered if she hadn’t had as profound an effect on him as he’d had on her. Because she could think of nothing else other than when he would next visit and put an end to her agony.
Chapter 19
Leah. Too forlorn to tell one day from the next.
