Andy starts through the trailer toward the bedroom, a bounce in his step that makes his hair bounce. I love Andy's hair this way. Sometimes, when he's sleeping, I run my fingers through it. He doesn't care. I've always had a thing for touching his hair. I often wonder if I like touching my brothers a little too much.
Sickness roils in my gut at that thought.
It makes me think I'm a twisted fuck like Dad.
Normal people don't have thoughts like I sometimes do. Thoughts I couldn't voice aloud even if someone had a gun pointed at my temple.
We make it into our bedroom and the sight steals my breath.
A bed.
The Love trips finally have a bed big enough for the three of them.
Andy pounces on the bed, making it bounce, and then presses his ice cream container to Dex's chest. His eyes snap open in a comical way that has me and Andy cracking up with laughter. Dex's annoyance is chased off with a two-dimpled grin that makes my heart twist violently in my chest. I crawl into bed next to Dex, leaning my back against the wall, and hand him his bowl. Andy scoots his ass off him, but leaves one leg dangling over our brother. Dex sits up, but doesn't shove away Andy's leg. It makes me wish I were touching Dex too.
So, I do.
I run my fingers over his buzzed head, gently scratching at his scalp. He lets out a contented sigh. We eat our ice cream silently aside from our appreciative moans. This is quite possibly the best day of my entire life.
"You can't have the middle every time," Andy tells me. "I get cold too."
"We'll take turns," Dex offers, turning his head to glance up at me. His lips wrap around his spoon as he bites off some cookies and cream ice cream. Heat floods through me, forcing my gaze elsewhere.
"You okay?" Dex's voice drips with concern as he touches my thigh with his knuckle. "You're happy, right? About this? This is okay?"
This is why I love my brothers so much.
Dad took so much from me, but they give all they can back. Their concern for my emotional well-being has been what's navigated me through the stormiest times in my life. I don't know if all brothers are this way or if it's just a Love trips thing. Whatever it is, I'm thankful to have them in my life.
"So happy," I admit. "The happiest I've ever been." It's the truth. "This is all I ever wanted."
A safe, warm home.
Love and shelter and food.
And laughter.
We're finally finding our way out of hell.
I'm not going to fuck it all up by entertaining my strange urges—desires that were most likely born of the sick shit Dad did. I know he mentally fucked me over by the terrible things he did to me for years.
Instead of thinking about the horrors of my past, I drink in my present. Andy's laugh. Dex's comforting presence. Our bed.
We have a bed.
Holy shit.
Once we've finished our ice cream and cleaned up, we all crawl back into bed like it's the coolest thing we've ever done. This time, Dex ends up in the middle. I selfishly curl up against him, needing his strength burning into me like a furnace. Absently, I touch his abs. His breath hitches. I pause, wondering if I should move my hand, but he doesn't say anything. Sometimes I wonder if this is how we were in the womb—three pairs of legs all tangled together, clinging to each other like we needed each other to survive.
"When we're rich, I'm getting a gym membership," Andy complains.
Dex snorts out a laugh. Our "when we're rich" game can go on for hours.
"When we're rich, I'm buying us an electric blanket," I offer. "And a TV for our bedroom."
"When we're rich, I'm going to buy a cool-ass truck so we can take road trips," Dex says. "We can bring the air mattresses for the back and stare up at the stars."
"Seriously," Andy murmurs, his fingers joining mine as I explore each groove of Dex's abs, "how the fuck do you get abs like this?"
