My grandmother sat across from me and just stared at me. I knew she had something to say, but I tried to ignore her. I had been struggling with my latest book and had finally found a flow, but knew that was going to change. I knew my struggles were because my husband and I were at odds. He was the inspiration behind all the book baes I wrote about, but the distance between us had me struggling.
“Janiyah.”
I looked up and put my computer to the side of me. “Yes, Grandma.”
“You know I don’t mind you being here, but don’t you think it’s time for you to go home to your husband?”
I wanted to roll my eyes, but Ethel Brown didn’t play that. When I left Arsel three months ago, my grandma let me in with open arms. What she didn’t expect was for me to stay there that long. Hell, I didn’t expect it either.
“Grandma, I don’t want to talk about it right now. Respectfully.” I had to add that last part in there because she wouldn’t hesitate to pop me in my mouth. It didn’t matter that I was a grown woman in my thirties; I was going to respect her and get beat up if I didn’t. That was her exact words.
“I didn’t ask you if you wanted to talk about it. In fact, you don’t have to say anything, just listen to me.”
I tucked my leg underneath my butt and took a sip of the water I had next to me. I already knew she was about to go in on me. It had been the same thing at least once a week whenever Arsel sent me flowers or any other delivery.
The night after I left, he called me at least a dozen times before I answered and told him I needed space. He was pissed, but he gave me the space I asked for. I never intended it to go on for this long, but I wasn’t budging on the baby situation. My biological clock was ticking louder and louder every year. I wasn’t trying to have a baby in my late thirties, so I only had about three years left before it was too late.
“I’m listening, Grandma.”
“Don’t sass me.” She cut her eyes at me, but I noticed the small smirk on her face. “Marriages aren’t easy, and you can’t leave every time something doesn’t go your way.”
I started to say something, and she knew it because of the look she gave me. I twisted my lips, so she knew I wasn’t going to open my mouth.
“The Bible says to submit to one another in love and put your spouse’s needs before yours. You knew what you were getting into with Arsel, and you know how important his career is. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he wanted to be more established so that when it was time to have children, he could devote more time to you and the baby? Before you answer that, I understand how you feel. I truly do, but you also have to understand his point of view. That man loves you, and we all know that. Look at the flowers and stuff he’s sent over the last three months. I’m not trying to put you out, but you’ve been cramping my style a little.” She patted my knee.
I thought about what she said, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to leave yet. Arsel checked on me consistently, but we hadn’t really discussed the issue. I was afraid to because I didn’t want to hear it still wasn’t time.
“Grandma, what?”
“Since you’ve been here, Walter ain’t really been able to come over.”
“Why wouldn’t he be able to come over?”
I knew Grandma had a friend who came over and fixed things for her, but I didn’t think it was anything more than that. The last thing I wanted to think about was my grandma having sex. Eww. Granted, Grandma didn’t look as old as she was, but still.
“Why can’t Walter come over with me here?” I regretted the question as soon as I asked because the way my grandmother’s cheeks flushed, I already knew where the conversation was headed.
“I don’t think you want to hear how he be putting me through the mattress like you youngins like to say.”
I slapped my hand over my face and groaned. I didn’t know what was worse, talking about my marriage or the fact that my seventy-year-old grandma was having sex.
“Was that necessary to say?”
She shrugged. “You asked. In all honesty, Janiyah, you and Arsel need to have a serious conversation. This should not have gone on for all of this time. I would have never thought about leaving your grandfather for this long.”
My grandparents were together for over fifty years. They were my father’s parents, and they raised me after my father died from being killed by a drunk driver when I was seven. My mother never wanted kids, so she left within the first month or two after I was born. My grandfather died five years ago, so it was just Grandma and me. I spent as much time as I could with her because I knew how lonely it could get for her. I didn’t know she was spending time with Mr. Walter like that.
I missed my grandfather and father so much. My grandfather and Arsel were buddies. Before Arsel got so caught up in work, he would cut their grass for them. He and Grandpop used to go to the coffee shop together, then play golf. On those days, Grandma and I would get our hair and nails done or shop. Sometimes, I would help her in the garden in the backyard. She was the reason why I loved roses so much. Grandma grew the prettiest roses in her yard.
After Grandpop died, I tried to get her to move into a smaller place, but she said she wasn’t leaving until the coroner took her out. I didn’t argue with her, but I made sure she was good every single day. Now that I was staying with her, I took care of the majority of the household stuff. She wouldn’t let me cook, though. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to; I just wasn’t that great in the kitchen. I was good enough to feed Arsel and me. He never complained.
“But I don’t know how to fix things. What if they can’t be fixed at this point?”
I didn’t want my marriage to end, but I wasn’t sure if we could work it out after all this time. I wasn’t sure I could be with him anymore if he didn’t change his stance.
I missed him so much, though. I hated sleeping alone. I even missed picking up the clothes that he sometimes left on the bathroom floor. I missed rubbing my hand over his waves on the rare occasion we got to sleep together.
“You two have been through enough, so I’m sure you will get through this. You have to talk to him, though, baby.” She patted my knee. “Walter wants to take me out to dinner, so you are on your own tonight. Or you can go home to your husband. Your choice.” She got up from her seat, then kissed my forehead.
