And I just had to accept it.
72
BEN
‘You’re a fucking idiot, do you know that?’ Theo sighed down the phone.
‘Agreed!’ Tom added.
‘Hey! Stop listening in on our conversation,’ I warned.
Tom and I had just arrived at our hotel in Bilbao, and when I connected to Wi-Fi and saw that I’d had several missed calls from Theo whilst we were hiking, I called him, worried that there was something wrong.
My first thought was whether Sarah was okay.
I missed her and had been desperate to message. Especially when I finally gave in to temptation last night, opened that box she’d left me and got the surprise of my life.
I was speechless. Truly. It was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for me. I wanted to tell her how grateful I was.
The urge to speak to Sarah, hug her, kiss her and just be with her was even stronger than before.
Since I’d left Sunshine Bay, I’d hardly slept. My annoying brain just kept playing happy memories of us together on repeat. It was a cruel reminder of what I’d lost.
When I’d suggested joining Tom on his travels, I’d hoped that it’d be a good distraction. We’d have loads to catch up on, and what could be better than exploring a new part of Spain, right?
Wrong.
I’d thought about her constantly.
When I ate something nice, I’d missed asking her to taste it. I missed our chats. Her laugh. Even my single sleeping bag felt like the size of the ocean without her beside me.
I wondered if this feeling of emptiness would ever end.
What made it worse was reading over her outline. I’d downloaded it before I’d boarded the plane, and just as I’d expected, it was brilliant.
Yes, there was still a lot of work to do and I hadn’t finished reading it all yet, but I could already tell it was special and I loved her ‘voice’. Her writing was witty, engaging and fresh. It was easy to see that she had talent.
But, like she’d mentioned early on, the story was loosely based on our time together. So every page just reminded me of those fantastic moments. And knowing this was the end was more excruciating than anything I’d ever known.
Now, being jilted just felt about as painful as a butterfly landing on my shoulder. Compared to leaving Sarah, it was so inconsequential.
I’d got over Piper. But I didn’t think I’deverget over Sarah.
‘Have you really left for good?’ Theo shouted.
‘Yes. Why are you acting so surprised? I told you and you said it was okay!’ I protested.
‘No. I said, “if that’s what you really think”. I didn’t believe you’d be foolish enough to actually go through with it! I also said that going away with Tom would give you some clarity, meaning that I hoped that it’d make you see sense and realise that leavingwould be the biggest mistake of your life. Stupidly I believed that there was no way you could actually walk away from Sarah!’
Oh… so that’s why he didn’t react.
‘I—’ I didn’t even get to say two words before Theo jumped in.
‘It was only when Jess told me she’d spoken to Sarah, who’s distraught about you leaving, that I realised that the pennyhadn’tdropped. Come on, bro, you’re smarter than that!’
Hearing that Sarah was distraught instantly made my chest tighten.
‘He’s been a miserable fucker all week!’ Tom grabbed my phone and put it on speaker.
