If that was true, though, why did I feel so horrendous?
68
SARAH
Jess and Theo’s wedding day was finally here.
I was in Jess’s bedroom watching as Kara put the finishing touches to Jess’s hair. She was insistent that she wanted to look like herself on her big day, so Kara was enhancing Jess’s natural curls, which she’d opted to wear down instead of in a fancy bridal updo.
Jess agreed to let Kara do her make-up and we even convinced her to take up the generous offer of getting her nails done by celebrity nail technician Halle Remington.
I couldn’t believe it when the offer came through. Theo’s billionaire friend Nico was apparently pally with the famous rockstar Jake Myers, who was dating Halle, so Nico’s wife, Cassie, had suggested that she do Jess’s nails.
And that wasn’t all. Jake had agreed to sing at the wedding too!
When Theo told me, I almost shat my knickers with excitement. We were going to have an actual famous person singing in our library.
I’d been sworn to secrecy, though, just in case it didn’t happen, but imagine if it did?
Halle was lovely. Super down to earth. She was a Londoner who moved to New York years ago, then met Jake at that famous matchmaking resort, the Love Hotel, in California. Apparently, they both hated each other at first, but now they were inseparable.
Hearing Halle and Jake’s story reminded me of Ben. Funny to think how much I couldn’t stand him in the beginning. It was ironic that I’d begged Jess and Theo to get rid of him and now I was distraught about the fact that he was leaving.
It was so hard dragging myself back to the library after we’d had that difficult conversation about him going. And coming up with the concepts for those videos, then filming them was even harder.
The idea of makingmethe one that was getting rejected in the videos instead of Ben was probably a reflection of how I felt. I wanted to be with Ben and he didn’t want me.
But I knew people didn’t watch reels to feel sad, so I needed to end our series on a high, which was when I thought about creating one last video of us sharing a kiss. It was what our followers had been begging to happen for ages, so you gotta give the people what they want, right?
The kiss was only supposed to last a few seconds, but Ben did it with such gusto and I loved every second, so I went along with it.
I reasoned that it could be the last time we got to lock lips, so I should make the most of it. But halfway through, the intensity dwindled, so I figured he’d lost interest and pulled away.
So that was that.
We were really over.
After leaving, I’d gone to do all the wedding prep.
Thanks to our well-coordinated teamwork, Jane, Celeste, Jess and I finished everything early, so Jess said I should gohome and get some rest before coming to hers later that evening to sleep over.
So I’d used the opportunity to work on my book outline. And I finished it!
Not the entire book, obvs. That’d take months. But the outline was pretty much done.
Well, everything except the ending.
I’d written one, but if I was being honest, it was a little depressing. The couple realised they couldn’t find a way to make it work, so they went their separate ways.
I knew if I left it like that, I’d get crucified by the romance community. Everyone knew that a book wasn’t a true romance unless it had a happily-ever-after, or at the very least, a happy-for-now.
But I was stumped. I’d tried suggesting that they got married, but it didn’t ring true, so now I wasn’t sure how to finish it in a way that would satisfy the reader.
Normally when I got stuck like this, I’d ask Ben for his thoughts. Chatting to him always helped me to work out exactly what to do next. I couldn’t do that anymore, though. I had to find a way to live without him.
My stomach tensed and my eyes watered.
‘You okay, hon?’ Jess asked.
