Stella had already created some bookish wedding invitations, which I’d emailed to Jess and Theo’s guest list yesterday.
Next week, Ben, Jane, Jackson and I would start organising other details like wedding favours, tables and chairs and although she said she wasn’t fussed, Jane and I said we’d take charge of organising Jess’s glam squad. So everything was under control and I was really looking forward to it.
I bet Ben would look gorgeous in his new suit.
Ben.
Cue more stomach fluttering.
‘Sarah?’ Jane called out my name.
‘Yeah?’ I snapped out of my thoughts.
‘You were miles away!’ Jane smiled. ‘Go anywhere nice?’
‘Er, just thinking about stuff,’ I said cryptically.
‘How’s things with you and Ben?’ She cocked her head suggestively.
‘Ben?’ My voice shot up. ‘How d’you mean?’
‘You two are together, right?’
‘Why would you…? What would make you…?’ I hated lying and I wasn’t very good at it either.
Jane’s question had caught me off guard because we’d been careful. As hard as it was, we never kissed or showed any affection towards each other at the library. We saved that for until we were behind closed doors in Ben’s flat, so I didn’t know how she’d guessed. Only Jess and Theo knew the truth, and they wouldn’t tell anyone.
‘It’s not really like that.’
‘Yeah,right!’ Jane scoffed. ‘I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. And I know that look because that’s how I looked at Jackson. Still do now.’
‘It’s not like you and Jackson,’ I said. There was no point trying to hide it and I knew Jane wouldn’t tell anyone else. ‘It’s just sex. It’ll be over soon. Once the book bar is open and Jess and Theo are back from their honeymoon, he’ll probably leave, so it’ll be over.’
‘Is that what you want?’ Jane asked.
‘No, but we agreed it’d only last a couple more weeks,’ I sighed.
‘Things can change. Jackson and I were only supposed to be temporary too. He was just supposed to help me lose my virginity so that he could send me off into the world with more experience. But one night morphed into two, then three and now forever. The same could happen to you too.’
I hadn’t realised that Jane was a virgin. Or that Jackson had offered to ‘help’ her. Although it was interesting that theirrelationship had evolved into something permanent, it wasn’t the same for me and Ben.
‘It’s different. Ben’s a free spirit. He doesn’t like to stay in one place for too long.’
‘Maybe that’s because, until now, he hadn’t found the right person,’ Jane said. ‘Does he know how you feel?’
‘Well, he knows I like him,’ I said.
‘But does he know how much?’
‘I’ve told him that I think he’s amazing.’
‘Ithinkyou’reamazing, Sarah, but that doesn’t mean I’d commit to you forever. No offence.’
‘Point taken.’ I smiled.
‘Tell him. You’ll regret it if you don’t at least try.’
‘I hear you.’ I nodded.
