Lila snapped out of her daze with a sad sigh.
‘We are all stubborn. We learned it from one another, I suppose. Three stubborn women who would never ask for help and would refuse it if someone offered. I think we need to learn from this. You especially, sweetheart. You’ve still got your whole life ahead of you.’
‘So…’ Lorelai dropped her voice to a whisper, ‘you know how Dad’s going to die?’
Lila’s eyes moved to the doorway. She pressed a finger to her lips and nodded.
‘He doesn’t know about you?’ Lorelai mouthed and Lila shook her head.
‘And you’re OK? With knowing?’ Lorelai said quietly.
‘I have to be. Lifewithoutyour dad is far worse than beingwithhim and knowing. Besides, I already know. I can’t un-see what I saw so I might as well keep him around as a salve to my wounded heart.’ Lila put the back of her hand against her head as if she were a damsel in distress, but Lorelai saw her for what she really was: the strongest women she knew. Her grandmother, too.
Lorelai sighed. ‘I’ve got so many questions. I don’t know where to start.’
‘Well, go ahead.’ Lila stood and put the kettle on boil again.
‘What?’
‘Ask them.’ Lila smiled.
‘Oh… right. Yeah.’ A grin spread across her face. ‘This is so strange. I’m not used to talking so freely about all this with someone. Any time I’ve ever had questions I’ve just had to… ignore them really. Accept that I’ll just never know. Or make up my own answers and hope I’m not too far off the mark.’
‘Well, no more of that.’ Lila finished making their tea refills and sat back down. ‘Right. Ask me anything.’ Lorelai flipped through her many questions, trying to decide which was the best place to start.
‘When did you find out you could do what you can?’
‘It took a while for me to figure it all out, but I had my first kiss when I was fourteen. We were playing spin the bottle at a sleepover and when it was my turn, it landed on Tommy Waldon. He was so handsome, and I was so excited. Everyone there was whooping, you know, the way teenagers get so caught up in everything, but as soon as our lips touched it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Like a thousand volts of electricity were running through my veins. I didn’t see Tommy or exactly what had happened, I just saw the sparks and a man’s face looking terrified through the sparks. I didn’t know who the man was until later that evening when Tommy’s dad came to pick him up. It was his face I’d seen. I didn’t understand what I’d seen or why I’d seen Tommy’s dad’s face. It was years later when I was piecing together more of a puzzle that I figured it out. Tommy’s dad wasan electrician, and Tommy died by electric shock when learning the trade from his father. His dad was there when it happened, which is why I saw his face – he’d watched his son die.’
‘Did it come true?’
Lila’s expression saddened. ‘Yes, but I didn’t know until years after it happened. I couldn’t do a quick internet search like you can now. I had to hear it through the grapevine.’
‘That’s awful.’ Lorelai stood and gave her mother a hug. ‘That must have been so confusing, and not knowing what you’d seen or why… I’m sorry, Mum.’
‘Thank you, that means a lot because I know you know how it feels. At the time though, I was less concerned about what I had seen and more preoccupied with how I’d seen it. I was kissing the most gorgeous boy in school and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the middle of the circle having wet myself! I lost a lot of friends that day. I’d seen how someone was going to die but fourteen-year-old me was more concerned about her street cred.’ Lila laughed, despite her sad story.
‘Oh, Mum.’ Lorelai was mortified on behalf of her mother.
‘Don’t worry so much—’ Lila reached over and smoothed the worry lines from Lorelai’s forehead ‘—that was forever ago. I’m over it by now. But, if I’m being honest, at the time I ran for the hills. I pushed everyone away from that point onwards. I kissed a few more people but it was horrible each time, and the trauma of seeing all that death, it was, well… you know how difficult it is. So I avoided romance and relationships as best I could. Then I met your father. He changed everything.’ Lila took a sip from her mug and smiled.
Lorelai let that sink in. Her mother had done exactly what shehad been doing – they had both come to a similar conclusion about relationships and drawn up almost identical life plans. Swearing off romance and relationships was the obvious solution, but Lorelai couldn’t imagine her mother without her father. As a couple they were tender and romantic. Lorelai had loved it as a child, but once she knew about her ability, it had grown hard to witness the kind of relationship she could never have. But she and her mother shared the same ability, and her mother had opened herself up to love. The idea of her mother without her father was unthinkable, that they might never have had what they did have all these years was unfathomable. Did that mean Lorelai could have it too, that she didn’t have to push everyone away to stay safe? Lorelai’s mind was whirring with questions and new possibilities.
‘So, what was it about Dad that made things change for you?’
‘In all honesty… I couldn’t tell you.’ Lila smiled. ‘I met your father and I don’t know what it was about him that made me feel the way I felt, I just knew something was different. It was like something had awakened within me. I used to have these nightmares, full of death and despair, and they started to get worse around the time I met your father. Then when I finally kissed your father it was like…’
‘…all the stars had aligned,’ Lorelai said quietly.
Lila nodded and tilted her head. ‘So, Lorelai, my brave girl—’ Lila leaned forward and took both of her daughter’s hands in hers ‘—now that an enormous weight has been lifted off us both, I think it’s time you told me everything.’
‘Everything?’ Lorelai’s smile began small, barely even visible. Then it grew until the muscles in her face strained to contain it.
‘Yes, darling. I want to know everything.’
Twenty-Six
Lila and Lorelai talked for hours. Lila even managed to shed some light on the nightmares she’d been having.
