Could she tell Grayson, trust him with her biggest and most protected secret? She did trust him, and a part of her wanted to come clean and tell him everything. But she knew that she never would. Despite all the hurt and confusion, running from Grayson was much less painful than Grayson running from her. She didn’t want him thinking she was some kind of monster. Someone who needed to be locked away. She imagined how he might react, his playful expression changing to one of distrust and fear. It was another cowardly move on her part but she needed time to decide what to do next.
‘I’ll think about it but…’ Lorelai had no idea which of her worn-out excuses to use. In the end she simply opted for, ‘I’ll think about it.’
Eighteen
‘Hi Grayson, er… I know I’m the last person you want to hear from right now. But I wanted to explain what happened the other day. Just… give me a chance? The bottom line is I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that and I promise I have good reason it’s just… a little strange. Call me back? Bye. This is Lorelai, by the way. Umm, yeah. Bye.’
Lorelai pulled the phone away from her ear. The screen was damp from perspiration. She wasn’t used to reaching out to someone she had complicated feelings for.
‘You’re really bad at that.’ The voice startled Lorelai, almost making her drop her phone.
‘Riggs?’ She walked out to the front counter.
‘Yeah, hey.’
He looked different. He’d had a shave and he was wearing a suit. He’d lost some weight too, but it suited him, and he held himself differently too. He was standing a bit straighter, and there was a determined gleam in his eyes.
‘You look… well. You look really well.’ She meant it, and smiled warmly. It was good to see him looking soalive.
‘Thanks. I’ve got an interview round the corner. Just to bea runner at a voice-over studio. They do audiobooks and video games mostly but it’s the TV and filmmaking stuff they do that I find interesting. Turns out I like movies a lot more than I thought I did.’ He smiled and it changed his whole face. He looked happy.
‘You can’t be missing it here, surely?’
‘No, I’m not.’ He laughed a genuine laugh. One that didn’t sound forced or fake as they so often used to be. ‘But I miss the films and the audience they attract so I thought that would be a good place to start.’
‘Well, good luck. I really am happy you seem to be doing so well.’ Lorelai slipped her phone into her apron pocket. ‘I was worried about you after, er, well after everything.’
Riggs blushed in embarrassment. ‘Can we talk?’ he asked after a breath. ‘Outside? I have something I want to say to you.’
Lorelai nodded and followed him as he walked towards the street outside.
‘I just wanted to formally apologise.’ Riggs reached up to one of the ‘Now Showing’ signs either side of the door, where a bouquet of lilies lay. He handed them to her, bashfully looking down at his feet.
‘Oh, wow. Thanks. Lilies are my favourite.’ He was trying. Really trying.
‘Yeah, Joanie said.’
Lorelai almost choked on her next breath. ‘You talked to Joanie?’
‘Only briefly but it was OK. I apologised to her as well.’ He paused. ‘So, I’m sorry. I wasn’t in a great place. Which isn’t an excuse but it’s an explanation and the truth. I had liked you fora really long time, I’d just lost my job and had nowhere to live and it all just got… too much. I’ve got a therapist I’m working with now, and things with Dad are better, so I’m trying hard to become someone I’m proud of. But I can see now that you were just trying to be a good friend to me that night, and I should never have kissed you like that. It wasn’t something you wanted, and I’m sorry I did that to you. I never want to do anything to upset you, and I promise I won’t do it again – to you or to anyone else. I’m sorry.’
The words were rehearsed, and Lorelai knew he would have spent some time preparing this. A lump rose to her throat. Seeing Riggs take responsibility for his actions was humbling. And it inspired her to do the same. She reached out and took his hand.
‘You’re forgiven,’ she said, squeezing his fingers. They stayed like that in silence for a few moments, London passing them by and letting whatever was broken between them mend.
‘So that Grayson made an impression on you, huh?’ Riggs avoided her gaze, staring straight ahead. Lorelai took a few seconds before responding.
‘Yeah. He has. But that’s over, I think.’
‘Why?’
Lorelai just shrugged.
‘OK, you don’t have to tell me. But you deserve to be happy, and I think this Grayson makes you happy, so maybe you can find a way to make it work. He must be special if you’re leaving him bumbling voicemails. I only want the best for you, Lorelai.’
‘Oh, Riggs.’ She hugged him, and tried to stop the tears that had begun to escape.
‘Lorelai…’
