‘It’s totally the same.’ Grayson pursed his lips, unimpressed.
Lorelai realised she was staring at his lips and mentally shook herself.Get it together.
‘I’ll have to watch it one day.’ She began to close the door gently.
‘You could always get the evening off and come with me? I know a date at your own place of work is a little—’
‘A date?’
‘Doesn’t have to be,’ he said hurriedly. ‘We could just go as friends.’ He shrugged, all his confidence suddenly gone.
‘We’re friends?’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘We’ve just met. Pretty fast friendship.’
‘I don’t tell just anybody I’m a giantLord of the Ringsfan!’
Lorelai laughed, and decided to give him a break. He was being quite sweet. ‘It’s probably too short notice to get the night off but maybe I’ll be able to sneak in the back,’ she said politely. Grayson paused for a second and then bobbed his head.
‘OK. Another time. Maybe.’
‘I’ll set aside a bucket of popcorn for you. On the house.’Why am I trying to make him feel better?she thought. He’s a big boy. He can deal with being told ‘no’.
‘On the house or under it?’ He raised his eyebrows at her as if he were saying ‘get it?’ But she didn’t. ‘Sorry. That was a really badWizard of Ozjoke.’
‘Ah, I see. Huh… that was actually quite clever.’
‘I’ll keep practising until I don’t have to explain why my jokes are clever.’ He smiled a goodbye, walked backwards a few steps, holding her gaze and her attention and then disappeared up the stairs.
Lorelai closed the door, leaned back against it and let out a sigh of relief and frustration. She didn’t know this guy at all. They had just met but she couldn’t ignore the way her pulse was beating faster.Meeting a beautiful stranger with a love of fantasy would be the ideal scenario for most people. A meet-cute. Something that only happened in books and movies. But Lorelai was not most people and Grayson would run a mile if he knew her secret.
Lorelai had run all the way home after kissing Arthur. After kissing him and watching him die. Because that’s what it had been, hadn’t it? Tears streamed down her cheeks as she ran. Her lungs burned. She’d never felt so scared. The muscles in her legs were screaming for her to stop but she couldn’t until she was safely home. As though the images in her head wouldn’t be able to cross the threshold of her house.
‘Lorelai? What’s wrong?’ Her father, David, said as she fell through the front door. Her mother, Lila, caught her in her arms. Lorelai tried to pull away, but her mother held her firm and eventually she gave in to her warmth and gentle hushing. Lila stroked her daughter’s hair until her whimpers died down.
‘Darling, what happened?’ Lila tried to prise her daughter from her torso but Lorelai’s arms were wrapped so tightly around her, her face buried in her stomach, she was immovable.
As she steadied her breathing, Lorelai tried to find the right words to explain why she was in such a state.I just kissed Arthur Trent behind the bushes at school and I saw him die. No, he’s not actually dead. I just saw how he’s going to die. In the future. In my mind.Her mother wouldn’t believe it. If someone had said that toher she wouldn’t have believed it. It sounded crazy. Maybe shewascrazy. Because it couldn’t be true. Could it? But she couldn’t shake the images from her mind.
She was only thirteen. A child. Lorelai had enough self-awareness to know that adults didn’t take thirteen-year-olds that seriously. Especially when what this thirteen-year-old had to say was so completely impossible. Lorelai loved her mother and she knew her mother loved her very much but did she love her enough to believe something she couldn’t even believe herself? Was her mother’s love so unconditional that she wouldn’t instantly think that there was something wrong with her daughter and that she needed help?
Maybe I do need help,she thought. Had she really just seen Arthur die? Could it have been her brain playing tricks on her because she had just kissed someone for the first time? No one was going to believe her if she told them… what? That she hadmagical powers? And they certainly wouldn’t believe her without proof. And what proof did she have except the memory of the life leaving Arthur’s eyes?
‘I’m fine. I’m OK.’ She finally pulled away from her mother but didn’t meet her eyes. There was a part of Lorelai that wanted her mother to push her. To pester and insist she tell her what was wrong. To reassure her that no matter what, even if Lorelai had killed Arthur herself, she was her mother and she would try to help her in whatever way she could.
Instead, her mother nodded and said, ‘OK. Dinner will be ready soon so why don’t you go and clean yourself up and come down in a little while.’ She gave her daughter’s face a squeeze between her soft hands. ‘Oh, Lorelai. I hate seeing you so sad. Tell you what, how about Viennetta for dessert? I know it’s your favourite. Your dad can pop by the shops, can’t you, David?
‘On my way!’ Lorelai’s father grabbed his coat and was out the door before Lila could say thank you.
Lorelai’s heart sank. She realised then that she’d inadvertently set her mother a test and she had failed. She wanted her mother to make her tell what was wrong, and to kiss it all away, tell Lorelai not to worry and that everything was going to be OK. If her mother didn’t care enough to push her to tell her the truth, to confide in her, then she wouldn’t tell her. She didn’t know how to anyway – she didn’t have the words to explain the unexplainable.
And so began, at age thirteen, Lorelai’s new life of secrecy and loneliness.
Three
Lorelai worked full time at The Duchess and by the time her day off rolled around, the one day of the week The Duchess was closed, she was exhausted. Mondays consisted of books, Netflix and desperate, fruitless attempts to cuddle Nora, Joanie’s biting, hissing satanic fur-ball of hate disguised as a cat. Lorelai loved cats and was overjoyed to find out Joanie was bringing hers with her when they originally moved in together. But Nora turned out to be the most vicious creature known to mankind. While Lorelai spent her day off mooching on the sofa, Joanie, on the other hand, successfully juggled two jobs, a thriving blog and would, at least once a week, also drive to visit her girlfriend, Cassie, who was training to be a nurse in Croydon. Just watching Joanie live her life exhausted Lorelai.
‘The only way I can justify my own lack of motivation,’ Lorelai said from the depths of her dressing gown hood, ‘is to pretend you’re just not human. I can’t compete with you if you’re not of this world. It’s not a fair fight. If you were human that means I’d have to admit that I am, in fact, lazy.’
‘You’re not lazy.’ Joanie kissed her on the forehead, as she raced past where Lorelai was sat on the stairs. ‘You have a full-timejob and you do it well!’ she said, slipping on her boots without untying the laces.
