Riggs just nodded, no look of scepticism on his face. ‘Been writing long?’
‘Years. That’s how I know I love it and that I wouldn’t be terrible at it. I’ve written so many of my own scripts.’
‘Which books have you adapted?’
Lorelai hated that she’d started down this road. Her dream was safest when it was just her own. Sharing it with someoneelse made it seem soreal. She felt like a four-year-old who’d just told her teacher she wanted to be an astronaut. It felt just as ridiculous and impossible.
‘I can’t remember them all off the top of my head.’
‘Tell me.’
‘I think I’m up to… forty-three, now?’ She knew it was definitely forty-three but for some reason she just couldn’t find any conviction.
Riggs’s mouth dropped open. ‘You’ve adapted forty-three books into scripts for movies. Blimey. Who have you sent them to?’ Riggs pulled out her copy ofThe Bridge on the River Kwaiand thumbed through it.
‘Oh god, no one,’ she said, running her fingertips across the spines.
‘Wait, what? You’ve not sent your scripts to anyone. Like, no one at all?’
‘No.’ She’d had this conversation with Joanie many times before. She never thought she’d be having it with Riggs of all people.
‘Why not? Isn’t that the aim?’
‘Sending it to someone would mean risking someone hating it and telling me I’m not good enough.’ She knew it was stupid but this was the reason and she wanted to be honest about it.
‘Riiiight.’
‘I’m just not ready to be told all my hard work has been for nothing.’ Lorelai felt this was valid and so when Riggs replied with a sing-song, ‘Suuuure,’ she bristled.
‘If you’ve got something to say just say it,’ she demanded.
‘I just think it’s a waste!’ He threw his hands in the air. ‘Noone’s ever ready for rejection. It always sucks and it always stings but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. What if you send it to someone and they end up loving it and hiring you on the spot? Isn’t it worth the risk?’
‘Riggs…’ She turned away from him but either Riggs was not very good at picking up on hints or was very good at ignoring them.
‘Surely after forty-odd attempts you’d be confident enough to send your work to a small studio?’
‘Maybe. One day.’ Another bog-standard phrase.
‘It’ll always be one day though, Lorelai, won’t it? What if one day never comes?’ Riggs’s tone was suddenly serious.
‘Why are you pushing this?’ Lorelai laughed, trying to regain control of the conversation.
‘I just think it’s a bit rich for you to push me so hard about having a “dream” or whatever when you’ve got one and you won’t even chase it!’ Riggs said, his voice rising.
Lorelai felt something snap. She was only trying to be kind and now he was throwing it back in her face?
‘Well, I’m definitely not going to take any advice from someone who’s throwing their life away! Where’s your drive? Your ambition?’
‘Ouch,’ Riggs said quietly, with a sad laugh.
She hadn’t meant to say it. But it didn’t matter. It was out there now. Lorelai realised that it was better to have an unfulfilled dream, than no dream at all. Riggs looked beaten.
‘Riggs—’
‘Thanks for the coffee.’ He was hurt and stung and needed to retreat as quickly as possible. Which was why when he grabbed his jacket and left the flat, Lorelai didn’t try to stop him.
Despite the lingering trauma of her first teenage kisses, Lorelai did end up attending university. She had put it off for a year while she wrestled with the practicalities of being in that environment with her particular set of circumstances. But after Sylvia died, she retreated even further into herself, and had needed to put some physical, as well as emotional, distance between her and her parents. Starting university had been the obvious choice and surprisingly, it wasn’t as challenging as she had expected. Fresher’s week is usually a time that’s rife with social events and meeting new people. A time that might lead to your first few drunken mistakes, and those in turn lead to avoiding certain people for the rest of your time at university. Lorelai had assumed that sex would prove pretty difficult if she was to avoid kissing anyone on the lips. Turns out it wasn’t as hard as she had first thought.
