17
An Idea
Fawn never missed a line nor a beat, even when her mind was elsewhere. But even though her body moved to her marks, her hands picked up the right props and her mouth said the lines, Fawn’s brain kept replaying the way Hamish’s lips had pressed against her ear,the way his cane had been cold against her throat and the way his body had pressed up against her. She felt numb and knew no amount of water would scrub away the kind of dirty she felt. When the curtain hit the floor, Fawn seized her moment. She slipped off her heels and climbed the ladder to the fly floor. Walter was already waiting for her and gingerly, she ran to him, the grated floor harsh onher bare feet. He pulled her in close and held her, gently swaying back and forth whilst she let the tears she’d been holding in come pouring out in great sobs.
‘Please don’t cry,’ Walter said softly as he stroked the back of her neck.
‘I don’t know what else to do. Everywhere I turn there seems to be a dead end.’ Fawn wiped her cheeks, her make-up coming off onto the backs of herhands. ‘If we run away, he’ll chase us. If we hide, he’ll find us. I absolutely cannot marry him and if I just quit… well, I don’t know what he’d do,’ she said, knowing exactly what Hamish would do.
‘He’d kill you.’ Walter raised his voice.
‘Shush!And there was me trying not to say it,’ Fawn laughed, despite the tears still creating troughs in her make-up.
‘Surely, he wouldn’tactually kill you?’
‘You’ve seen how he treats me. How he treats everyone. He’s a violent man with violent people in his employ and he’s only ever been accustomed to getting his own way.’ She suddenly felt out of breath.
‘Then we go to the police! We tell them that he’s hurt you. That he’s going to keep hurting you.’ Walter took a step away from her as if he were already on his wayto the nearest police station, but Fawn remained unmoved, tired of trying to find her way through a labyrinth with no exit.
‘You don’t think someone like Hamish has connections? I won’t have been the first woman he’s treated like this and where was the law then? If they’re paid off well enough, they’ll turn a blind eye to anything, Walter. Having money has taught me that it reallycanbuyyou anything. Loyalty, protection…’
‘Love?’ he asked.
‘What?’
‘Love.’ Walter held her close and stroked her cheek. ‘Could Hamish buy your love if he wanted to?’
‘Of course he couldn’t.’
‘Then at least he’s left me something.’ Walter went to kiss her, but she pulled back.
‘Hamish didn’tleaveyou anything. I’ve chosen to give you my heart based on nothingbut my own wish to. It’s nothing to do with him, so don’t you dare go giving Hamish the credit for that now.’
‘I know, I know, I’m sorry.’ Walter pulled her into him once more and she rested her head on his shoulder.
‘I wish I’d never met Hamish. I wish my father had never bought my way into his hands.’
‘Shhh.’
‘I wish men like Hamish didn’texist.’ Walter was quietfor a moment, the cogs in his head starting to whirr and clunk, churning out an idea. ‘I wish they didn’t either,’ he said, stroking her hair. Fawn felt fragile in his arms, sad and shivering and the mere thought that anyone would lay a hand on her made his cheeks grow hotter and hotter with anger. Fawn had a strong will and a strong mind but Hamish had strong hands.Men like that don’t deservewomen like Fawn, he thought.Men like that should be locked away. Men like that should…
‘What if he didn’t?’
‘What do you mean?’ she said, halting their gentle swaying.
‘What if he didn’t… exist.’
‘I still don’t know what that means, Walter.’
‘We can’t run, hide, go to the police, you can’t marry him and you don’t want to marry him but if you don’t he’ll killyou so why don’t we… beat him to the punch?’
‘Are you suggesting I kill myself?’ she scoffed.
‘What? No, Fawn…’ He leaned away from her, so she would look at his face.Don’t make me say it, he thought but then he watched as the idea dawned in her eyes too.
‘Walter, are you mad?’
‘Why not?’
