10
Fawn
Fawn Burrows was awoman. Undoubtedly so in her eyes, because everything she was convinced made one a woman she had made sure she had accomplished. However, she had very little chance to prove it as the majority of people around her thought all women were needed forwas to care for their man, have his children and learn how to make the perfect Victoria sponge. There was no question that Fawn would potentially disappoint her family in her life choices. After all, when you plan to study your way into a job so you don’t need to rely on a man, you tread a fine line between ‘strong woman’ and ‘disowned little girl’. Fawn persisted regardless and had her sightsset on RADA to follow in the footsteps of her favourite actress, Vivien Leigh (despite the fact that Leigh had dropped out) and thankfully, Fawn’s mother and father supported her dreams of being in the spotlight.
Warren Burrows was a quiet man who spoke only the language of money. And boy, was he fluent. If his little girl wanted to be an actress, she would be an actress. But before Fawnwas able to study and train like everyone else and work her way to the top, her father had found a producer named Hamish Boatwright. He had offered to help Hamish fund his new show on the condition that his little girl become a big West End star. Hamish, a man of forty-two with a deceased wife and ambition beyond compare, took one look at Fawn and said yes with a capital ‘Y’.
‘You don’teven know whether I can act,’ Fawn said upon meeting Hamish and pulling her hand away from his slippery kiss.
‘I don’t need to, and with a face like yours neither does the audience.’ Fawn could see Hamish was trying to compliment her so she smiled and made a mental note of it in her head:He’s ignorant and potentially misogynistic.
‘You’ll have a few lines here and there. You’llbe able to manage that, won’t you, sweetie?’And he’s condescending.
‘And when we’re at parties you won’t need to say anything. Let me do the talking, handle all the business, and you stand there and look fabulous.’Definitely misogynistic.
Had Fawn been alive when they were at their height of activity, she knew she would have been a largely involved member of the Suffragettes. Italways angered her, that despite women being given the vote and the huge toll it had taken for them to be thought of as equal, there were still men like Hamish Boatwright who thought they could tell her that her only job was to be quiet, look pretty and to let men handle her business. Even though Fawn wanted to shout and scream and outwardly fight, her mother had taught her another way.
‘Softly, softly, catchee monkey,’ Hyacinth would say. ‘A man’s ego is one of the most fragile things in human nature. One slight knock and it’s broken for good and then who knows what’ll happen. Whilst the Suffragettes did a great deal of good, the time for raising our voices seems to be over for now. People like you and I need to be careful. We need to be patient. Carefully tip the scales in ourfavour without anyone noticing. And we do that by hiding our old clothes in the bottom of handbags to take to the charity shop and secretly leaving money in the hands of the vicar at the church to distribute to the poor and needy as he wishes.’
‘Mother, you didn’t?! Won’t Father know?’
‘Darling, your father gives me an allowance and what I choose to spend it on is up to me. As longas he sees me in a new dress once in a while, he thinks nothing of it. If I want to help those less fortunate it’s a shame I have to do it without your father’s approval but I’m never going to get that, am I? No matter, though. There’s nothing like a bit of secrecy to make life a little exciting.’ Although her mother smiled as she said it, the smile wasn’t quite convincing enough to reach her eyes.
And so, Fawn didn’t snap or leer at him with disdain when Hamish said the obnoxious things that insulted her existence as a female. Instead, she bit her tongue and smiled through the pain of it and said, ‘Of course, Mr Boatwright,’ whilst counting down the hours until she could find a way to make sure he had his comeuppance.
‘Oh please, call me Hamish,’ he said, his greasy moustachecurling into a smile whilst Fawn made another mental note to only ever call him Mr Boatwright in the hope that it would annoy him as much as he annoyed her.
If only annoyance were the pinnacle of her worries. The bruises on her arm she was now having to lie to Walter about were cause for far more concern than Fawn had ever really had to muster. As a rich girl living in the heart of London,Fawn had never had much to worry about. Poverty, hunger, disease and loss had never troubled her life. Now, however, here was a man who made her skin crawl with his touch, when he wasn’t turning it purple with brute force. Until now, Fawn had lived her whole life in luxury, drinking martinis at far too young an age, wearing dresses that cost more than most people earned in a year and holidayingto France whilst people got sick from illnesses that she could cure a hundred times over with just the money in her pocket.
Despite the ache encircling her wrist, she couldn’t bring herself to speak up. Instead she just kept telling herself,this is bad but it could be worse, it could be worse… So she ran from Walter. She ran from the boy who made her laugh, back into the hands of a manwho reminded her far too much of Foulfellow from Disney’sPinocchio.
Walter wasn’t entirely sure what to do as he hauled himself up from the patterned carpet of the auditorium and into one of the red velvetseats. He weighed up his options. He most certainly couldn’t do nothing now that she had confirmed with her pained expression that Hamish Boatwright was not to be trusted and yet… he couldn’t go running after the woman who had only moments ago retracted her first name from his personal use. Although, the playfulness that had just transpired between them had been more than mutual, he was sure,Walter just couldn’t risk making things worse for Fawn. The overwhelming urge to protect her and keep her safe was palpable and he hoped it didn’t cling to the air around him and be misconstrued as desperation. He wasn’t in love with her.She’s just in trouble and I’m doing the decent thing by trying to help, he told himself. He wasn’t in love with her.I’m not in love with her.He wasn’t in lovewith her…
