‘Of course, I get it, but…death threats?’ She shook her head, careful not to shake any tears loose.
‘I know. That’s out of line and I’m sorry. But I can’t control the move of every individual who happens to be a fan of me or the TV show I was in. And at this point if I say anything publicly, I could make it worse. For both of us.’ Oscar wanted to runover to her, scoop her up and he wished he could fix it all with a kiss.That’s what got us into this mess, he thought.
‘I don’t expect you to be sorry. You’ve not done anything wrong,’ Olive said as Oscar lightly scoffed. ‘I just don’t think you realise how hard all of this is for me.’ She took a deep breath, feeling tears threatening to spill over, but kept herself still.
‘Thisis hard for me too, y’know?’ Oscar sighed.
‘Yes, it must be really tough having two women vying for your attention, some more publicly than others, and a loyal fanbase who care about you deeply.’ Olive would have rolled her eyes if she thought it wouldn’t force out the tears she was fighting hard to keep at bay.
‘Olive, you know it’s not like that. The reality is I’ve got a crazyfame-hungry ex-girlfriend who’s trying to sabotage my new career and she’s found an in with the only glimmer of happiness I’ve found in months.’ He sighed, covering his face with his hands.
Olive finally looked at him through the mirror, but she could barely see him, her eyes were so full. Was it her demons, her own insecurities making her wonder whether she was the only one he treatedthis way? Or had she picked up on something, and that’s why she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being kept in the dark?
‘Are you saying you don’t want to do this any more?’ Oscar held still, his face unchanging.
‘Aren’t you telling me wecan’tdo this any more?’ Olive shrugged. Her body felt heavy and her head throbbed and she wondered if she cared enough to live throughthe stress that Oscar brought with him.
‘No. No, not at all. We just need to be more…careful.’
‘More hiding.’ She closed her eyes.
‘Not hiding. Just… less kissing on trains.’ He slid himself closer towards her.
‘I don’t want to be your sordid secret, Oscar. It’s not even like this is a real relationship. We’re just… playing.’
‘Shouldn’t that mean there’s lesspressure? Less expectation?’
‘Maybe.’ She shook her head. ‘But I can’t cope with the constant game of guessing what’s acceptable for two people who aren’t together but are “involved”.’
‘Stop guessing. Just do what feels right.’
Olive turned to him and pulled her knees up to her chest in the armchair. ‘Did it feel right when you left me alone last night? After having a wholeconversation to convince me this thing between us wasn’t just about sex, you thought it was okay to have sex with me and then disappear?’ Olive couldn’t keep the tinge of anger out of her voice, but it was only the tip of the iceberg compared to what she felt inside.
‘Olive, I’m so sorry. The whole incident with the picture got me spooked and I didn’t know how to react, but I shouldn’thave left you. I can’t imagine how that must have made you feel.’ Her eyes were so big and Oscar couldn’t bear seeing them filled with tears instead of that playful sparkle. ‘I don’t want this to be over.’
‘No. Me neither.’ Olive wiped away her tears. Despite all her anger, she understood why Oscar had acted the way he had and wondered if she’d have done much better in his situation. ‘I’mjust tired.’
‘Of me?’
‘Of this.’ She gestured to her wet cheeks.
‘This can be better.’
‘It’s been what? Less than a month and I’m already in tears.’
‘But it means you care, right? Doesn’t that count for something?’ Oscar slid towards her again.
‘Of course it does.’ There was a brief flicker of a smile on her lips and Oscar jumped at that glimmer of hope.He went to her, took her hands and pulled her into his arms.
‘I’m sorry this has happened.’
‘Me too,’ she said, trying so hard not to give in and sob into his embrace.
‘It’ll all blow over eventually.’ He stroked her hair, but the moment had gone. Olive pulled away from him and without looking at him or his reflection she said, ‘I’m just getting tired of waiting for eventually.’
Lars
She’s not yours.
