Sera presses her lips into a thin line and nods. “A letter came yesterday. They’re…thinking.”
“By which you mean they’re horrified and disappointed and probably lighting candles to the old gods, hoping I’ll come to my senses?”
“They don’t know what to feel any more than the rest of us do. Mom’s been so different since the curse broke that Dad doesn’t know how to handle it.. Dad’s been so overwhelmed he actually cried when he read my last letter. Full-on sobbing. Mom said she didn’t know he was capable of it.”
I try to imagine my stoic, reserved father crying over a letter and fail completely. “That must have been strange for her.”
“Strange for everyone. They’re learning how to be people, Caelan. Real people who feel things and react to those feelings instead of just…existing. Give them time.”
“Do they hate Patrick?”
“They don’t know Patrick. They hate the idea of him. The Thornridge connection, the forced marriage, all of it. But when things settle down, when they have a chance to actually meet him…” Sera shrugs. “They might surprise you. Mom asked about you in her last letter. She wanted to know if you were happy.”
“What did you tell her?”
“That I didn’t know, but that despite everything, you seem more yourself than I’ve ever seen you. Was I right?”
I think about Patrick. About the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention. The way he sleeps on the floor without complaint because I needed the bed. How he killed for me without blinking and then asked if I was hurt before worrying about himself.
“I think so,” I admit. “It’s just so messy.”
“Most things worth having are.” Sera refills both our glasses and hands mine back to me. “Do you love him?”
The question lands between us like a stone dropped into still water. I watch the ripples spread, trying to find the answer somewhere in their pattern.
“I’m not sure.” I take a long drink of wine, letting the alcohol warm my throat. “I want him. That part I’m sure of. Every time he walks into a room, my body pays attention. And I’m starting to trust him, which feels insane considering howwe met. He’s not the monster I expected. He’s thoughtful and protective and surprisingly funny when he lets his guard down.”
“But?”
“But love feels like a word too big for what we have. Everything between us started with lies and force. He convinced me to follow him, Sera. Led me to Hysopp territory and married me before I understood what was happening. Even if I understand why he did it, even if I believe his reasons were good…how do you build love on a foundation like that?”
Sera is quiet for a long moment as she keeps her line of sight fixed on the river. “Reeyan and I didn’t start in the best of circumstances either. He was suspicious of me, I was terrified of him, and neither of us asked for the mate bond that brought us together. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if what I felt was real or just the bond talking.”
“What changed?”
“I stopped trying to figure it out and started paying attention to what was actually happening between us. The small moments. The way he remembered how I take my tea. How he’d stay up late researching just because I asked a question he couldn’t answer. The way he looked at me like I was the most important thing in any room.” She smiles and adds, “Love isn’t always a lightning bolt, Caelan. Sometimes it’s a slow sunrise. You don’t notice it happening until suddenly everything is bright and you can’t remember what the darkness felt like.”
“That’s either very profound or very cheesy.”
She laughs and bumps her shoulder against mine. “My point is, you don’t have to know right now. You don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes the knowing comes after the choosing.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you chose to stay with him when you could have run. You chose to defend him to Aunt Lydia. You chose to believe him when he told you the truth about Thornridge. Every day you make a hundred little choices, and they’re all pointing in the same direction. Maybe you don’t know if you love him yet. But you’re already acting like someone who does.”
The words settle into me like seeds finding fertile soil. I turn them over in my mind, examining them from different angles, testing their weight against my own uncertain feelings.
Patrick.
My enemy who became my husband who became my mate who became…what? Something I don’t have a name for yet. Something that terrifies me almost as much as it thrills me.
“When did you get so wise?” I ask with a giggle.
“I’ve always been wise. You just never listened because you were too busy resenting me.” Sera grins, and for a moment, she looks like the bold, adventurous girl from my childhood memories. The one who told stories and dreamed dreams and refused to let anything hold her back. “Now finish your wine. We should head back before Reeyan sends out a search party.”
We pack up the basket and fold the blanket, and when Sera loops her arm through mine for the walk back to the Cultural Center, I let myself lean into her. The conversation didn’t solve anything, not really. I still don’t know if I love Patrick. I still don’t know what the future holds for either of us.
But I know that my sister sees me now. Really sees me, not the dutiful shadow I spent two decades pretending to be. And somehow, that feels like enough.
