On my profile page I look at the photos of Senu. The last one shows him at a party organized by the bar and grill where he worked.
Senu had already been promoted to assistant manager. He was great with customers, kind, helpful, professional. His boss appreciated that. I see him standing there in his work uniform, with a brown teddy bear patch sewn onto his apron, wearing a cap with a visor. His light hair is tied back in a ponytail, and his hazel eyes are full of joy as he smiles at the camera.
I’ll never see his smile again…
And just like that, tears roll down my cheeks.
Fuck. Why? Why? My poor brother! Those sickos didn't pay enough for his death, and the last of them, Daniel Tanner, the ultimate scumbag… walked free.
Behind Senu, I can see someone turned sideways in the background, but I recognize him anyway. It’s Tif, a junkie who used to hang around the grill bar. The police never found him either. And I warned Senu to stay away from him so many times, yet he never listened.
We even argued about it, and I vividly remember saying to him,"This idiot will be your death,"to which he replied,"If you keep worrying like that, you’ll end up with wrinkles."
The thought that maybe the police should have dug deeper into Tif comes back, but it’s quickly clouded by resignation and the overwhelming sense of how pointless everything feels. Senu’s dead anyway. Tif probably is too.
I’m alive… But barely.
Trapped in my own guilt, slightly nauseous all the time for no clear reason, and so tired.
A few hours later, I am still lying in bed, numb from self-torture, staring at the ceiling. Slowly, my tired mind redirects itself toward Eliano again, leaving my brother behind.
Scenes from my last conversation with Eliano drift through my mind.
The moment I told him to get out! He raised his hand to his chest as if he had been hit by something. Pain on his face, barely veiled.
Was it… could it be…?
Mate Rejection?
No, impossible. That would be silly.
Instead, I slowly lift my fingers and gently touch the crescent-shaped scar on my gland, the one his teeth left behind, then I check my wrist. It’s marked too. I stare at the spot for a while.
People keep saying a beta cannot be marked, that it does not work, so the scar probably means nothing. Still, to me it is somehow…precious.
I lost him. He won’t be back. I know it. He won’t beg.
Fuck, kicking him out… it was not what my heart truly wanted! And all he wanted was for me to be safe, and… he kept promising he would figure something out!
He said it,again and again.
But I did not truly hear him through the rush of emotion, through that red curtain pulled down over my mind.
Eliano repeated,"Give me time. I promise, I will find a way."
Why didn’t I listen?
I snap my head up, a torrent of emotions flooding my body.
I have to tell him at least one thing.
He has to know thisonething!
All of a sudden, it feels insanely important.
Like a madman, I rush to my laptop, click the link to his fan page, and open the app. I type into the text field:
"For the record, I don’t hate you. Not even close."
