I stay quiet. I could say something about that myself. I had been offered something similar by Bush, so I could imagine exactly how Senu must have felt.
"At first, Senu said no. He always dodged alphas. But then the guy came back with cash and literally threw a grand in front of him. I wasn’t there, cleaning another part of the beach. When I got back, Senu was gone. An hour later, he showed up with the money, but he looked wrecked. That guy was brutal, and Senu paid a horrible price to earn that grand. He tore again and was bleeding."
"Damn… that is bad," I murmur, my fingers making small, soothing strokes on his stomach.
"I was scared for him, but also furious. We were fighting all the time, and Senu promised me he would never do anything like that again. But a few days later, our situation took a turn for the worse. A guy from the staff saw Senu with this man. We were both kicked out of the job, me too for screaming my head off at the manager. It was a really hard moment between us. Back on the street again, no job, and money vanished fast. Senu said he had to do it again, find another client, but I fought him on it. Senu… he was naturally small, and he would end up torn apart again, bleeding, hurting. It happened after Lloyd, and after that first client. I told him no anal sex. Then he said maybe blowjobs would work. That’s where it ended. I insisted he make the clients use condoms, so it was hard to find willing ones, but twice aweek he’d manage to find some desperate asshole to pay 200 bucks for a blowjob with a condom."
"Well, at least that. Who knows what STDs people have…"
"Exactly. So now Senu was the only one keeping us afloat, hunting clients near the gas station. I watched over him, making sure no client broke the rules or forced him into anything else. If someone protested the condom, I’d step in. I was carrying dirty rigs, and even the alphas would run when I pulled them out, ‘cause no one wants to be poked by a junkie’s needle." Salt chuckles bitterly. "Also, Senu had this weird thing. Whenever he got super stressed, his muscles would lock up, like thosefainting goats, have you heard about them?"
"Yeah, but do you have it too, at least to some degree? You kinda froze like that the first time in the medical office…"
I can more sense than see Salt’s fidgety reaction.
"Yeah, it may be a genetic thing, but I have it to a much, much lesser degree. Senu would freeze up completely, paralyzed by nerves. So if a client flipped out over something, Senu would lock solid and couldn’t move, so again I had to step in and scare those dudes away with the junkie needle."
"That’s actually… pretty creative!"
"Thanks, it worked like a charm. One rusty needle, and they weren’t eager anymore to beat us… At the same time, I tried hard to get a normal job, but I kept getting kicked out after a few days because of my… acting out. Back then, my brain problems were really bad. So Senu kept supporting us alone, and when we were starving, I was grateful that he brought back some money. Trust me, hunger changes a person."
Again, I say nothing. I may not have experienced months of living on the streets, but I had a small taste of it, enough to imagine how desperate someone can become. Some even are willing to take food out of trash…
"Back then, Senu sometimes had a regular client who would come by the gas station and leave him an extra tip after a good blowjob, and over time Senu managed to put some money aside. He kept pushing me to see a doctor about my outbursts and lack of self-control, and he had just enough cash to cover the visit. The tests showed minor damage to my prefrontal lobe. The doctor said there was not much he could do, although some famous guy from Malden Pharmaceuticals was running an experimental treatment and was taking people straight off the street who were willing to try it."
"You don’t say. Blue Lowen?" I ask.
"Yeah. Exactly! The genius dude. We went there and somehow a miracle happened. I got in, got the meds, and stayed on them for a couple of months. And it actually helped. Not everything just magically vanished, but I got solid enough to start looking for a job again. That’s when I met Darius, who owned a tattoo parlor. I told him my story one night, just on impulse, and he said I could start apprenticing there. So for the first few months I worked for free, but Darius said I had real talent, and after a while he hired me and paid me my first decent money."
"I have seen your sketches. They are beautiful. You really are talented."
Salt is quiet for a moment, then mutters, "Thanks. So. Things actually started to look better. I could finally take care of both me and Senu, and he didn’t have to see clients anymore, which was a huge relief for him. He got to go to college like a normal student. I really thought we were back on track. Senu also landed a job at a decent family grill bar, and I was sure our lives were finally heading somewhere good. But after a while, I started noticing stuff was off with him. At first it was small things. That empty stare, the way he’d just kind of shut down and slump. Turned out he’d started doing drugs. He kept ithidden, made sure not to touch anything at work, but nights were a whole different story. Sometimes I couldn’t get through to him at all, like he wasn’t even there. Totally checked out. Sometimes he’d swear he was done for good, a week would go by, and then it’d start all over again. He had anxiety, panic attacks, the whole mess. The shit he’d been through before, all that violence, it just wouldn’t let him sleep at night…"
Salt reaches for the wine bottle and takes another sip. Thankfully, his drinking does not seem excessive, and that’s good, because I wouldn’t want this night to turn into drunkenness and a blackout.
"But I refused to give up on Senu, because he never gave up on me. If he hadn’t dragged me to that doctor back then, my situation would never have gotten better. After two years of that half-assed life, riding ups and downs, good times and bad, I finally talked him into rehab. His boss was chill enough to grant him a month off, and Senu ended up in a solid facility. They gave him therapy and real support, which finally got him clean. The last two years were better for both of us. He finally managed to finish college and stayed off the drugs. He started dating again, one beta and then another, but even though they were good people, I think Senu still had some demons to deal with. Sometimes I could see the sadness in him, a kind of weird longing. One day he told me he dreamed of meeting his True Mate, that he thought it would fix everything. He got a little obsessed with the idea, reading everything he could online about how to make it happen, but of course no one had a magic solution…"
"Apparently he never met Storm Nolan," I say cynically.
Salt does not respond.
"All that time, the last four years, I was working at the tattoo shop and doing alright. And that was when the thing that messed everything up happened. One day Senu’s boss called me, sayingSenu hadn’t shown up for work. I went looking for him, and after three days I found out that the Tanners had taken him, these vile bastards running some underground porn operation…"
Salt’s fists clench tighter. I use the moment to gently slide my hands along his forearms and curl my fingers around his tightened ones. He lets me, even though he does not seem entirely comfortable with it.
"I went to their house and heard them talking about him. At first not everything sank in, but then I heard his name and how Daniel Tanner was raping him and choking him, how he was torturing him. I snapped. I shot them. Then the cops took me in. Yeah. So. That is my story," Salt takes a deeper breath.
I don’t respond for a moment, my fingers moving gently as they weave between his, then I lean in and place a soft kiss against his temple. I know immediately that the gesture is too much for him. It belongs to the realm of a relationship, and a subtle wave runs through his body, something caught between tension and a flicker of fear.
I straighten up, easing my mouth away from his temple.
"Thank you, Salt, for telling me all of this. I know it must have cost you a lot, and I really appreciate the trust you showed me. What happened to you and Senu is truly the kind of story nightmares are made of…"
Salt exhales and lowers his head slightly.
"When I look back on it now, I think there were so many things that could have been done better…"
"Do not blame yourself. You were both overwhelmed by the trauma, and you were dealing with serious health issues on top of that," I say.
