"Even if our situation is not ideal, we can at least make it mean something. Not be complete strangers to each other. That feels important."
Wow.
So, the decision has been made.
I study him carefully. To be honest, ever since we left the medical office, I had already started preparing myself for this internally.
All day long, the gears in my head kept turning, slowly letting everything sink in. I came to terms with the fact that my first time would not happen in a romantic setting, with no love confessions and no tender closeness.
But let’s be real, how many people really get that anyway? I cannot complain, not when I am being truthful with myself. Salt is incredibly attractive and, as it turns out, surprisingly my type after all. I want him, and as for emotions, I do like him, in a slightly defiant way, and I believe that something between us could grow. Even if the future is still wrapped in fog, the thought alone brings me a strange sense of comfort. I am not betraying myself by feeling this way, am I?
"Alright. I’m on board."
I see him draw in a deep breath. Maybe my quick agreement surprised him? But I certainly put a lot of thought into it.
He glances at the bathtub.
I scratch my chin. "So, what’s the idea?"
Salt gestures briefly toward the tub. Water is already pouring in a wide stream, and he must have added some bath salts or liquid, because foam is starting to form.
"Maybe we get in together?"
Only then do I notice something else standing on the floor next to the tub.
A bottle of wine. I frown. "I am not sure alcohol is the best companion for this."
Salt scoffs. "I am not trying to get drunk. Just a little. I heard it can be…" He swallows. "Relaxing."
Our eyes meet.
Salt’s mismatched eyes are hard to read right now. Is there still a trace of that strange anger he always seems to carry inside? If there is, it does not feel aimed at me, more like at the world, at life in general.
It is strange to be in this situation. Forced. Cornered. And also low-key excited. I nod slowly and start taking off my clothes.
Salt gets into the tub first, kneeling in the middle of it. I can tell he is unsure about what position we should take, so I quickly help by stepping in and leaning my back against the deeper, sloped side of the tub.
I make an inviting gesture. "Do you want to lean back against my chest?" I ask, a slight smirk curling at my lips.
Salt looks like he wants to roll his eyes, but he has clearly decided to take this seriously.
He grabs the bottle of wine and scoots closer to me. There’s a hint of shyness in the way he settles against me, resting his blue-haired head on my shoulder, right in the hollow of my neck.
The water has reached about mid-thigh by now, so we sit in silence for a while, listening to the sound of it filling the tub. When it reaches the middle of Salt’s chest, he finally turns it off.
"I was thinking," he says, taking the first sip from the bottle, "that I should try to look at the bright side of this. For years,Senu guarded my virginity like a hawk. He kept telling me to save it for a special moment, for someone exceptional…" His voice trails off.
There is a pause. I hesitate, unsure what to say, but then decide it might land okay.
"I hope you won’t be disappointed," I say quietly, "because I know that you don’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with me, but I’ll do my best to make it at least a decent experience."
"Well, we cannot have everything," he mutters. "But sometimes things are just good enough. And you’re okay, not some asshole I would give my v-card to and regret it afterward. Maybe… this will be good."
"Thanks," I murmur dryly.
"The question is whether you see it that way," Salt adds. "I know you had your own objections."
I hesitate before answering. I know that a lot of what I say now could hurt him.
