She studied the scene.“I don’t get it.What am I looking for?”
“It’s what you don’t see.”
Her head tilted.“We look normal.”
“Yeah.Like life isn’t as shitty as it was.”My brow wrinkled, and I had to look away.The lie faded in the light of truth.I was not that man, and Ellie’s nightmares were unknown to that reflected lie.
“Life and death.”Ellie looped her pinky around mine.
I mirrored her motion, capturing the other hand with mine.“Death is your gift, Life is the reward.”Sure, I said that in backward order.But the mantra made more sense that way.At least for me.
She squeezed my fingers with hers.A small gesture, but one of importance because we were finally on the same page.Life would be our reward.I’d gifted enough death.
I’d done enough, right?
She kissed me and pulled me up the single step that separated the giant shower stall from the rest of the room.I followed like a lamb.
Under the spray, I took my time kissing her, caressing her skin, and marveling how well our bodies aligned.The walls were cold, but the water was warm.Ellie didn’t complain as I lifted her in my arms to align my cock at her opening.
Her legs wrapped around me, slipping slightly, but that only made the first thrust slide in quicker.I braced against the wall and rocked into her over and over.This was mine.Ours.Us.I was hers.My life was upended, a truth that hadn’t quite stopped being a lie, and a life ahead full of unknowns.Except for one thing, it wouldn’t be any kind of life without her in it.I couldn’t tell her enough how much that meant to me.I finally had something of my own.Someone.And eventually, we’d be ready to follow Mario and Allie into parenthood.
I wanted a girl.A little spitfire like the beautiful woman I fucked hard.
My thoughts locked onto that wish as I poured into her.
Ellie’s gasps and the soft clench of her inner walls told me she was with me as we clung to each other.
My life wasn’t even close to normal, but I’d learn how for her.“I love you.”I whispered into her ear.I doubted she heard me over the water, but that didn’t matter.We had a lifetime to whisper those words to each other.
Or so I thought.
21
Ellie
Kat was in her element.The goon Ringo made her pick up from the airport wasn’t what I expected.In fact, he wasn’t a goon at all, but a polished business type with just a hint of distinguished gray edges kissing each ear.What he wasn’t was jovial.The last-minute changes, and the forced trip to Chicago from his base in Las Vegas irritated him.But Kat handled him, his two bodyguards, and the staff of CCI with the grace of a professional executive.So well, he was in deep discussion with her about her vision for the company.Even without the formalities, she was in.I was happy for her.
But I couldn’t help feeling like part of my childhood was being erased.I mean this was the woman I played hooky from school with.And now she was explaining not only her new role, but all the ways the business could be improved.And from what I could see, she had everyone eating out of her hands.This was her dream career.One she had worked her ass off for.I wasn’t going to do anything to mess it up.
That’s why I was crowd watching rather than trying to squeeze my way against the west-facing windows to watch the boats work their way up and down the green river.I’d seen it often enough on TV and a couple of times in real life to know the ritual by heart.
Ringo, however, had never seen it.He was in danger of falling out the window with how hard he pressed against the glass to watch the spectacle.“All this because of a holiday?”
“Your holiday,” I reminded him.“You’re part Irish.”
His mouth hung open.“I never felt Irish, but…” His eyes danced with excitement.
I bit my lip.He’d never known his heritage because of his fucked-up mother.
The urge to change that rose from my chest.I wanted to get married in Ireland.A Catholic church or a castle… or maybe even a pub like my own.I also wanted everyone there from both the bar and Mario’s family, just in case he needed a distraction from the weight of discovering what he missed.And then we’d go to Sardinia and party with the centenarians.We’d drink mirto at midnight and skinny dip in the ocean.
That meant the date was going to be summer.Maybe late fall so we could avoid tourists?I’d have to ask Allie what was the right time.Of course, it also would be at least a year from now because I wanted her as my bridesmaid.Kat, too.
“You are now.Everyone’s Irish this weekend, so… learn.”
He sent me a smile of gratitude.
I liked that look.
