She pondered that for a bit.“I suppose that’s important.”
“Each hand works together.”I wove my fingers between hers.“Your fingers each represent a truth.The thumb is life.The index finger, it’s honor.Clarity you might say.The middle finger?—”
“That’s the ‘fuck you’ finger.”
I laughed.“Discipline.”
She frowned.“You mean, it’s the ‘I can fuck you up’ finger?”
“That’s right.”I moved to the next digit and stroked it, thinking about its meaning.
“Love?”she guessed.
“Respect.Love is fleeting.Respect lasts longer, but demands work and effort to keep.”
“Kind of like love.”
I had to know.“Did you love him?”
She tugged her hand away, closing it on itself.“To be honest?No.I thought I found someone who was just bad enough to match my desires and not nearly awful enough to be unsafe.I was wrong.Just…wrong.”
“You wanted to respect him?”
Her eyes shot to mine.“Yes.”
It was easy to raise my final finger and ask, “Do you know what this one means?”
She shook her head.
“The thumb is life, the pinkie is death.It’s small, final, opposite of the first.But it is also not weak.It’s necessary for a strong grip.I didn’t believe it at first, but Don Manca made me hold my pinkie out and try to squeeze his hand.I couldn’t do it.Not until I folded that finger down.It is the force that makes or breaks us.And it will always be there whether you want it or not.Kind of like it follows the other fingers when they move.It’s like a shadow.”
I was lost in thought and memories.
She shifted closer, holding me in her arms.
“Everyone has that shadow, Ellie.Everyone.”
“My sister doesn’t.”
Bullshit.“If she didn’t, she would have sent Mario packing the first hour she knew him.”Allie most definitely had a shadow.She may have been as innocent as Ellie thought she was before she met Mario, but death recognizes itself in odd ways.
“So, you’re saying it’s Mario’s fault?”
I should discourage that kind of thinking.Mario wasn’t a man to be toyed with.And he certainly wouldn’t like his secrets known to his wife’s sister.Yet my love for him surfaced in odd ways.“Next time you see him, you try telling him that.”
“I value my sanity, thank you very much.”
Odd.Most people value their lives around Mario.“Your sanity?”
“Yeah.He’s… he’s like Allie.You tease him, and he’ll find twenty-five reasons you’re inaccurate, then lob a zinger at you that explodes like a shit balloon, making you look like an ass for saying anything at all.”
I smiled.That was an accurate observation.I’d made it my life’s calling to find ways to needle him.Some had been successful.Most had not.It might be fun to see how well Ellie fared.“I dare you.”
“You left sanity on the short bus you rode to school in.”
My chest twitched at her insult.I kept my face stoic.“Tell me, how quickly do your parents change the subject when they're asked about you?”
Her mouth fell open.“I’m not as dumb as you look.”
