And I’m sure some of them are wondering what the fuck is going on. Kai still has his arm protectively around Garrett’s shoulders, and Garrett is still holding my hand.
I squeeze his fingers tightly, forgetting how every man in the place would be wearing his cut. An intense pressure pushes on my chest, and I’m mad at myself for thinking I was suddenly cured of the anxiety I have about them because Kai held me while he was wearing his.
Karlie is at the bar, staring at us.
“I thought you barred her,” Garrett says to Kai.
“I did. Let me go deal with it,” he says.
“No,” I say, putting my palm on his chest. “Let me go talk to her.”
“Isla, we can’t just have them disregarding our rules,” Garrett says. “And I haven’t forgotten what she said about you.”
“Neither have I. But I want to fix it. I trust you to look out for me tonight. Trust me to sort this out too.”
Garrett raises my hand to his lips; Kai presses a kiss to my forehead.
“I’ll be at my usual seat,” Garrett says, taking a spot at the bar away from the door.
My eyes meet Karlie’s, and there’s a flicker of something there, defensiveness, maybe, with a pinch of guilt. She doesn’t look away, but club girls never do.
I breathe in, straighten my shoulders, and walk over to her.
“Didn’t think I’d see you back in here,” she says.
“No,” I agree. “I didn’t either.”
There’s an awkward silence, for a moment.
“I’m not here to cause trouble, Karlie. I just wanted to tell you that I did what I said I was going to do. I left because I was confused about who I was. And it turns out, some of who I was is still who I am. I want to belong to Jackal and Shade because I love them. Both of them. You were right when you guessed I was into them before even I did.”
And I realize the shame I was worried about appearing as I explained it out loud, that I loved two men, never appears.
“Didn’t take a rocket scientist,” she says, her shoulders dropping a fraction.
“I was angry, Karlie. At men who took and took and took and then hid behind statements about how they didn’t make any promises. I had to leave so I could remember I was worth more than that. I was losing myself through all the ways I was trying to make myself enough. When, in truth, it was turning me into someone evenIdidn’t love. And how can anybody love me if I don’t love myself?”
Karlie snatches my hand. “I was angry. Because we were the same. And it felt like you were telling meIwasn’t enough either.”
“Oh, God, no.” I pull her to me and hug her.
After a second, Karlie puts her arms around me too. “Could we be the first club girl and old lady that actually like each other?” Karlie says finally.
“I hope so. Until you become an old lady.”
Karlie shrugs. “Don’t hold your breath, although, thereisa cute new prospect.”
“That’s the spirit.”
We stand there smiling, and the tension eases.
“Do you think you could ask your enforcer if he’ll chalk my strong words up to shock and go easy on the ban?”
“I’ll talk to him.”
She smiles. “Good.”
We’re so busy talking that I don’t notice Jinx until it’s too late. “Hey,” he slurs, wrapping his arm over my shoulder and sliding his hand inside the lapel of my jacket to grope my breast. “About time my favorite piece of pussy returned. Where’ve you been, Isla?”
