“It makes sense,” Jude says. “You were protecting yourself. No one blames you for that.”
“I blame myself. I’m trying to be a better man. For her and for myself. But can you fight for someone who doesn’t want to fight at your side?”
“Maybe she just needs to know you’re willing to fight this time,” he says gently. “That could be the tipping point for her.”
“And what’s the tipping point for me?” I ask dryly.
“I think you already hit it,” Chloe says. “If nothing else, she now knows she has to make a choice. Even if it’s not exactly a choice, because you didn’t ask her to choose, she still has to see the writing on the wall.”
“Have you talked to her?” I ask.
“No. I worked seven twelve-hour shifts in a row so I could take the long weekend off, so I’ve been straight out. Juliet told me she wasn’t coming. I think they spoke briefly but we haven’t had a chance to catch up.”
“Well, let me know if you hear anything but the way it stands now, I’m going to go see her at work next week. Maybe we can have dinner or something and talk. I don’t want her to think I’m not willing to fight for her—she just has to give me a reason to want to. Is that a dickish thing to say?” I glance at my friends, looking from one to the other.
“No.” Jude shakes his head. “It’s okay to want to protect yourself. It’s smart.”
“As long as you know you made every effort to make it work,” Chloe interjects. “Otherwise, you’ll spend the next four years second guessing yourself.”
I definitely don’t want that.
The last four years were tough enough without setting myself up for more indecision. This time, I’m not letting her go without at least an in-person conversation. I’d rather not make the same mistakes twice. She means more to me than that. If I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with her, I have to be willing to hear her out.
And then, depending on what we decide, I’m going to have the conversation with her father I should have had four years ago.
Chapter 35
Victoria
Sleep has been a problem the last few nights. If I’m not crying, I’m furious. Then, when I do drift off, I have bad dreams. About losing Jordan. About my miscarriage. About my Dad and Jordan getting into a fist fight. By the time I wake up, I feel like I’ve run a marathon. Something has to give.
I’ve got all my final projects coming up for school, exams to study for, and I’m working extra hours at the store because Terri needs the help. So, I’m heartbroken, exhausted, and not feeling like myself at all. The worst part is that no one seems to care.
Ivy almost seemed happy that Jordan and I broke up, saying things like, “you’re too good for him anyway.” Merrill said it was probably better I find out now rather than later. I didn’t tell my parents, of course, because I know they’ll be thrilled, so it’s just me and my misery.
“Good afternoon.” Terri looks up when I get to work on Thursday. Then she blinks. “Are you okay? No offense, but you look exhausted.”
“Just dealing with some stuff at home while trying to keep up with everything I have to do to graduate.”
She frowns. “Why didn’t you say something? I can manage things on my own. I did it long before I hired you.”
“It’s better for me to keep busy,” I murmur.
“Something happened with Jordan.”
I’ve tried to keep things private but the concern in her voice is all it takes to push me over the edge. Tears stream down my cheeks and I squeeze my eyes shut but they don’t stop.
“Oh, honey.” She hurries over to me, handing me a tissue and then giving me a hug. “It’s going to be okay. Do you want to talk?”
Somehow, the entire story spills out, including what happened four years ago and everything going on now. She listens without saying anything, merely nodding here and there. Finally, when I’ve spilled everything, and my nose is running from crying so much, she cocks her head.
“Do you want advice or someone to just listen?”
“I need someone to tell me what to do.”
“Well, I don’t think anyone can do that. You have to follow your heart and your common sense. I can, however, give you some advice based on life experience since I’ve lived quite a bit more than you.”
“Okay.”
