“Thank you.”
I put my hand at the small of her back as we walk inside and the hostess leads us to a table overlooking the water. The sun hasn’t quite set yet so it’s the best time of day to be here and for a moment neither of us says anything. There’s a breeze coming in off the water, and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore is relaxing.
“This is nice,” she says. “I’ve never been here.”
“I love this place. I don’t come often, but it’s a nice treat. Especially for date night.”
Her eyes narrow slightly and I already know what she’s going to ask.
“No,” I say before she can open her mouth. “I don’t bring a lot of women here, but yes, I have once or twice. I haven’t been a monk for four years.”
She dips her head and nods. “I know. Me either. I just…I don’t know. I guess I felt a twinge of jealousy. I have no right to feel that way, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it.”
The thought of her fucking another guy makes my blood pressure skyrocket, but I probably shouldn’t admit that out loud, so I just nod instead. “Yeah, I get it. I don’t want to think about you with other guys either.” There. A toned-down version of what I’m feeling.
“I think we’re entitled to feel however we feel,” she says after a moment. “It’s part of being human. It’s just a matter of how we handle those feelings.”
“There are a lot of feelings,” I say. “Good and bad.”
“Let’s start with the bad,” she says. “Go ahead. Tell me something bad you feel in relation to us.”
“The idea of you fucking other guys pisses me right off.”
To my surprise, she throws her head back and laughs. “Well, ditto. And I’m sure you’ve slept with a lot more women than I have men.”
I chuckle. “Okay. Fair enough. Your turn.”
“It frustrates me that you’re doing so well without me while I’m just…floundering.”
“How are you floundering?” I ask in confusion. “You’re about to graduate college, something I never did, and you’re working to pay your bills. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m working at the mall, in retail, something completely different than my degree. I still live with my parents. And I’m getting a degree in something I’m good at but not something I love. Meanwhile, you’re living the dream making millions of dollars.”
I hesitate because I don’t want to minimize her feelings. We’re supposed to be honest here, a way to start with a clean slate. “Honey, less than one percent of all athletes make it to the level I’m at. Part of it is skill but there’s also a lot of luck. And remember, I almost lost everything. I had to work my ass off to get back to Lauderdale. There were many, many days I thought I’d be in the minors forever.”
“Yes, but you made it. I don’t have anything like that to aspire to. Yes, I’ll probably get some corporate accounting job making six figures. Eventually I’ll get raises, maybe a promotion, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing to aspire to. Not really. And that’s not your fault, but we’re supposed to be honest about all this stuff.”
“Only you can control your destiny,” I say lightly. “You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. And maybe after a few years of working in accounting, you’ll figure out what’s next and make that happen.”
She smiles, shaking her head slightly. “You’re still good at talking me off the ledge.”
“Have we moved on to the good stuff?”
“I don’t know. Is there any more bad stuff?”
“I’m not super happy with us having to be sneaking around again. We’re adults. I should be able to have a man-to-man conversation with your dad so we can move past this nonsense.”
“And maybe we’ll get to that point. I think we have to decide what we’re doing and what we want from this relationship before we open that can of worms.”
“Agreed.” I pause. “Anything else?”
“Am I going to be a secret from your friends too? Your teammates?”
I hesitate. “Probably. At least, short-term. I think I mentioned that I live with Jude and Chloe, and we’re close, so they know, but no one else.”
“Do they hate me too?” she asks softly, pretty green eyes filled with uncertainty.
“I don’t think anyone involved hates you,” I respond. “It’s more that they’re worried about me. They know how destroyed I was after the break-up, and then being sent down sucked. I was angry at the world for a long time.”
