“I know, I’m sorry,” I murmur.
“Don’t be. You’ve had a lot going on, too.”
“I’ll stop in soon, I promise. I miss the kids. How’s Charlie?” I ask about my favorite girl, who insists on dressing up as Elsa every time I see her.
“She’s doing amazing. We’re hopeful for a discharge soon. The nurses want to throw her a going-home party.”
“That’s amazing,” I say, my smile brightening at the news. “I can plan it. And I’ll start my monthly visits again this month. I miss volunteering. I miss the kids.”
“Okay, I’ll let the other nurses know to expect you. Everyone will be happy to see you around again.”
“I’d better get going, and you need to go back to bed.” I wrap my arms around her, holding on a little tighter than usual, breathing in the comfort only she can give.
“Off you go then,” she murmurs in my ear before pulling away.
I quickly shove the coffee table back into place and put the couch back together before grabbing my things.
“Hey, Mom?” I call as I open the front door.
She pauses mid-step, glancing back at me. “Thanks for breakfast,” I say.
Sliding into the front seat, I jam the key into the ignition. The hum of the engine fills the quiet, and my phone buzzes in the cup holder. I’m half expecting to find the girls’ chat to light up, but it’s not them.
Connor: Hey Madi so uhm, Hunter’s coming into work tonight. Tuesdays are usually dead so Ash and I wanted to check in and see if you wanted the night off or if you’re okay coming in with Hunt here?
My grip tightens around the phone. Of course, he’ll be in tonight. Whiskey Cove, after all, is his bar. I can’t blame him for wanting to get back into the swing of things. My stomach dips like I’ve hit the first drop of a roller coaster at the thought of seeing him. My thumb hovers, hesitation burning in my chest. Am I ready to be in the same room with him? I don’t know, but I can’t keep avoiding him. I love working there, and the sooner we face each other, the sooner we can all stop walking on eggshells.
Me: Love you guys for looking out for me but no, I have to face him at some point. May as well get it over with.
The dots appear instantly, and Connor’s reply comes through before I can overthink.
Connor: Thatta girl. We have your back.
I throw my phone back into the cup holder, feeling the heavy weight lifting off my chest. Air rushes into my lungs, fuller, easier. It’s like I can finally breathe again after all these months. My hands find the steering wheel, and a shaky laugh slips out before I can stop it. I don’t have all the answers, but I refuse to let Hunter and my screw-ups tear apart the family we have here.
This is home. These people are my home.
7
LETTERS
HUNTER
Hunter,
I’ll never forget the day I told you that you were going to be a big brother. For years, you begged your dad and me for a little brother, and when we sat you down at the dinner table that night, I was so worried you were going to kick and scream and demand a brother. Your dad wasn’t worried at all. He knew you’d step up. He rested his hand on your shoulder, knelt in front of you, and said, “Son, you’re going to have a little sister.” You burst into tears, wrapped your arms around us, and pressed your tiny hand to my stomach. You whispered to your little sister, “I’ll protect you forever. You’ll never have to be scared because I’m your big brother.” There are so many things I want to say to you. So many things I need to apologize for. This isn’t the life I wanted for us after your dad’s car accident. The life we had with him waseverything I dreamed of, and I foolishly believed Ray could give that back to us. I should have known better. He played on my grief, twisted my hope until I couldn’t tell right from wrong. You were just a boy, but somehow you knew, and I was too blind, too weak to see what you did. Halle was only two when we moved in with Ray—just a baby when your daddy passed. Too young to have the memories you hold, too young to know what love felt like before everything changed. That’s why Ray treats you two differently. By the time I pulled myself out of the fog and saw the damage I’d done, it was already too late. I wish I had the strength to fight, but all I have left is the strength to survive. I wish I had your courage. I wish I had Halle’s fire. I wish… I wish I knew how to leave…
I fold the worn piece of paper once, twice, and slip it back into the envelope. My heart pounds so hard, it echoes in my ears. I feel the sting behind my eyes from her words. The way the letter finishes feels wrong, unfinished. Like she meant to say more.
Why didn’t she continue?
My gaze drifts to the stack of letters bound tightly together, the edges bent and discolored because I keep touching and hiding them. Did Ray walk in and catch her writing to me? Did he stop her? Maybe she heard the front door slam, the hinges shuddering through the house, and shoved the paper away before rushing to the kitchento start dinner. Maybe the next letter picks up where this one left off.
I fall back on my bed, my head landing with a soft thud against the pillow, and rub my eyes.
Keep it together, man.
The other letters sit untouched. I haven’t had the balls to open them yet. I know I should, but I’m not ready. Call me a coward. Call me a wimp. I don’t care. After all these months, there’s only one person I want beside me when I finally face them. I just have to fight through the new walls she’s built—the ones I put there when I thought I could do this alone. Maybe I am a coward. Thank God for Sarah. If it weren’t for her,I don’t know how long it would have taken me to come to my senses and come back home.
