“I think you already know what I’ve been doing.”
It hurts to breathe. My grip tightens, and a seductive sound slips from her precious lips. I hiss, “Why?”
“I don’t want to need you.”
Air saws from my lungs as heavy breaths rush to temper the fury building in my gut.
She doesn’twantto need me.
We were doing so well. Things were almostpeaceful. She seemed to want me. She seemed drunk on me. She seemed to desire me near her. She was practically begging the last time Itasted her, and she has not wanted me to stop for a moment. Every time we’ve touched since I brought her home from Cael’s palace, I have had to be the one to stop us and regain sense.
She has notwantedto.
But now, already, she’s determined to create a world where I’m not needed in her life?
While the final threads of my hope shatter, she lifts her fingers to my cheek, cups my skin, and so sweetly—stabs me in the stomach with her words. “I’d like to want you instead.”
Unrestrained, a raw laugh spills from me, and I back her into the bench with enough force to make her fall into the seat. “I see. Howromantic. You want towantme, notneedme.” I grip her throat, feel her swallow against my palm. “Do you think I’mgoodenough to care, Danielle? Ineedyou toneedme. If youcanlive without me, I will forever assume that’s a choice you’re inevitably going to make.” I’m shaking. And the harsh truth is spilling free. And—
A curse slides into my brain while I lose grasp on my control.
Because this isour deal.
Tonight, she has shown me a touch of the true fire within her, and now I am bound by our agreement to give her a horrible taste of…me. At my core. The fetid, rotting truth of who I am when I lose control.
Andthisis how the grotesque truth shows up—in unshackled possession laced with fearful insecurity. The truth isugly, becauseIam ugly.
Leaning close, I hiss, “Your every thought, your every action, youreverythingshould be mine. I want you helpless without me. I am not satisfied with the possibility of love alone. I want your craving. I require your obsession. I cannot help myself. I am doomed to love you disastrously.” Tears break free from my closed eyes to wet my blindfold. “It is too late for you, my feather. You have chosen me. You have chosen the monster.” Isteal a long, deep kiss, refusing to give her air until she grips my clothes and whimpers, then I break the connection and pull her to her feet, dragging her by the arm inside. Voice rough, I repeat, “You have chosen the monster. You do not get to live without my claws in you now.”
Taking her to her cage, I toss her in on top of the giant stuffed bear I got her when I was playing thekindandgoodandconsideratemate, then I slam the door closed, turn sharply on my heel, and leave to wallow in self-loathing until the conditions of this terrible deal are met, thus freeing me to grovel for forgiveness at her feet.
Chapter 24
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ahem. So anyway. That was hot.
Fingers grazing my throat, I sit, blinking ahead at my plush prison and try to sort out my thoughts.
This…could have gone better.
Way better, I think.
And, yet, it’s genuinely unnerving howokayI am with what just happened. I should not at all be okay with the fact Castor just told me that I chose a monster and now I’m stuck with him, but I’m a little bit too busy replaying thatkissto care. My lungs are still struggling to regain peace after the moments of suffocation he put them through. I can’t forget the dragging me in here on the tailend of choking me, either. The whole situation was all very…rough. Blatant. Honest.
That’s the word.
Honest.
No pretenses, no passive aggression, no obscurity.
He meant his every horrible word, and for the first time in my life, I’m not questioning whether or not there’s anything worse waiting to jumpscare me. The allure of knowing someone’s worst thoughts and wishes is fully intoxicating, even when those thoughts and wishes are possessive and controlling and broken.
Every step Castor takes away from me pounds along the tether—the soul bond—between us, and I dwell on everything I can glean from the connection I’m growing to recognize more and more clearly. I feel his fear, his panic, his loathing.
And, sure, okay, yeah, whatever.Understandinga monster doesn’t excuse its behavior, but it’s hard not to want to excuse it when it makes so much sense.
His insecurities and terrible wishes are practically a reflection of my own.
