And that does it.
Tears soak into my blindfold as I struggle to maintain something akin to composure, something verynotakin to a sobbing, sniffling child.
“How is Danielle?” he asks.
“Just fine.” I wet my lips. “She’s sleeping peacefully in her bird cage, where I keep her.”
Cael’s fingers flinch in my hair.
“She stabbed me a few days ago, too. And I threatened to cut wings out of her back. Tell me, is that how Alana got hers?” Why am I doing this? Why am I like this? “Did you cut them out of her?” I swallow. “Did she beg you to?”
Cael’s hand closes into a fist against my head.
“Have any of your spies told you yet?” I continue, doing what I do best—setting flame to things better left unburnt. “I’m building a kingdom.”
“A kingdom?” he queries, tone indecipherable.
“No, then?” I tut. “Some rotten spies you’ve got. I guess their loyalty remains mediocre at best.”
“I’d heard it was more like puny village.”
I flinch. “Whodared?”
“Pollux.”
That…stings.
Cael continues, “He figured I’d find out sooner or later, so he told me and made a case for it…for your…pandemonium, I believe it was.”
When will that man stop making cases for me?
When will I stop self-sabotaging long enough for them to matter?
And when—pray tell—will Igrow upenough to begin maturely making these foolish cases for myself?
“It’s a great village,” I mutter. “Very lovely, my mate says. Everyone’s practically on the edge of feral. You’re welcome to see it some time, so long as you don’t mind being poked, prodded, or bit.” My heart pinches, and I huff. “No, that’s not…” My bones crack as I clutch my hands into tighter balls. “That’s not what I want to tell you. I would like to say that you are welcome to see what I have built.” I swallow pride, and it goes down hard, stretching the boundaries of my throat. “I would even appreciate your experience and…counsel…were you to offer it. I don’t know what I’m doing. But I want to create a safe place for…for people like me.”
Moments pass, then finally Cael says, “I’ll be sure to consider it.”
Oh boy. The wonderful moth prince’s consideration. It’s all I’ve ever wanted…
Why in the world must this be so difficult?
Why in the world haven’t I shoved out of his arms by now?
I say, “Why didn’t you kill me? When you gave up on me, why didn’t you end me? Is it because Pollux didn’t agree to itand you wouldn’t have been able to take me down alone? I’m unforgivable.”
“You aren’t the only one.” His cheek rests against the side of my head.
“I killed on purpose, without remorse.”
He hums. “Is that why you’re here, because you lack remorse?”
My heart splits in two, and I finally say the full horrific truth. “I’m here so you can confirm everything I already believe about myself. I’m here so you can tell me that I’mrightand I really don’t deserve anything good. I’m here so you can confirm there’s no hope left for me, and I should stop looking for it with blinded eyes.”
“Odd,” he murmurs, and his grip loosens so his fingers can comb through my long hair. “To think, this is the first glimmer of hope I’ve had for you in a very…very long time.” Breath leaves him, and the pound of magic waiting patiently to end me trickles away. Both his arms come around me, a desperation in the embrace that suggests I am not the only one who has changed and perhaps Cael no longer bothers pretending to be perfect. Holding tight, he lets his voice crack. “I have missed you, Castor. More than I think I let myself know. It isgoodto have you home.”
My lips part, but I don’t find words for a long while.
