I didn’t just cry either. I laughed too, made jokes, and even rolled my eyes at myself. The entire time, he just looked at me and listened.
Like it mattered.
Like I mattered.
“I don’t feel crazy when I talk to you,” I admitted.
“That’s because you’re not,” he said. “You’re overwhelmed and misunderstood.”
Tears slid down my face. “I’m always considering everyone else,” I whispered. “I don’t even know what it feels like to just… choose myself without guilt.”
He nodded slowly. “We are going to work on that, starting today.”
At some point, I realized that I wasn’t nervous anymore and my body had relaxed.
We laughed about music. He talked about how bad dating apps were and how a lot of women didn’t have any depth. He had this way of talking that made me feel safe and at peace.
We walked back inside from sitting outside on the patio for a while. Stacks didn’t say anything at first. He just crossed the room and stopped in front of his record player. I watched him flip through vinyls.
When the needle dropped andJill Scott’sA Long Walkstarted playing, I laughed instantly.
“Oh, you did that on purpose,” I said, shaking my head.
He turned around slow, already moving his shoulders to the rhythm, a grin spreading across his face.
“I know you like that shit.”
I laughed harder. “I do. I really do.”
Jill’s voice filled the room. She has the kind of voice that didn’t just sing to you, but understands you too.
Stacks held his hand out. “Come dance with me.”
“No,” I said automatically, even though my body was already swaying.
He didn’t argue. He just stepped closer, caught my hand anyway, and pulled me in. It was like our bodies recognized the music the same way our minds did.
Let’s take a long walk around the park after dark…
We sang along between laughter, bumping into furniture, spinning clumsily, and completely unbothered.
Find a spot for us to spark conversation… verbal elation… stimulation… Share our situation… temptation… education… relaxation…
The lyrics felt too on the nose, like Jill was narrating us in real time. I looked up at him, breathless from laughing, and realized how much I loved being around him and how light I felt. He spun me around and I squealed, nearly losing my balance, laughing as he caught me by the waist.
He pulled me closer, and surprisingly it didn’t feel wrong. It felt… good and electric.
When the song slowed toward the end, everything else faded—the house, the noise in my head, the day I’d had. There was just him, Jill’s voice, and the way my heart was beating like it was remembering how to be young again.
Then he lifted his hands to my face. I should’ve stopped him, but I didn’t. He kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was soft at first, then it got deeper, signaling fireworks to go off inside me.
He pulled back before it went too far with his forehead resting against mine.
“I know you have to get your daughter,” he said, catching his breath. “But let’s do this again.”
Soon wasn’t even a question.
I nodded, still catching my breath. “Soon.”
