How will he react the day I confess that the rest of me has magic? Why am I even pondering telling him? In a few weeks from now, we’ll probably be parting ways.
Sure, I’m about to lose my virginity to this man, but that doesn’t grant him permanent residence in my life. He’ll just have been the right man at the right place at the right time.
Obviously, I like him enough to have had his dick in my mouth—not something I would’ve done to a man I didn’t trust, or want…or feel safe with.
To be honest, I’m shocked by my brazenness. And maybe a little impressed with it. I feel empowered.
Empowered to have given a good blowjob…
I should probably talk this out with a therapist. Or with Calanthe.
How wild is it that I’m sort of excited about having this conversation with her?
Not that Calanthe has ever made me feel like a kid, but after tonight, I’ll finally be able to speak from experience instead of theories plucked out of romance novels.
Cillian hums, pulling me out of my head. “How about I be the judge of that?”
It takes me a heartbeat to remember what we were discussing. When it returns to me, my heart skips a beat. And then it skips another ten when his fingers slip under the hem of the hoodie, and soon after, of my dress.
“Just managing your expectations,” I quip just as he tugs on the side strap of my cheeky-cut panties.
As I lift myself slightly, I study his expression…his intense concentration. The man now kneeling before me looks like he’s about to glimpse the secrets of the universe, not the vulnerable divide of my body.
When he glides my underwear down my legs, my nerves rattle. “Wish you had a bottle of tequila lying around.”
He raises his gaze to mine, and then he’s climbing to his feet, my panties balled in his fist. I’ve always been good at predicting what a person is about to do, yet at that moment, I have no idea what he’s planning.
He juts his chin. “Get on the bed.”
“I am on the bed.”
“I meant, lie back. Get comfortable. I’m going to be down there a while.”
My heart is thudding so fast now that it makes my lids twitch and my vision jump. My nerves seriously need to take a chill pill. I’ve been fantasizing about having a man between my legs since I discovered my clit and all it could do.
I scoot back. “Never thought—” I swallow back the end of my confession:that my first time would be in a camper.
“Never thoughtwhat?”
Did Cillian just take a whiff of my underwear? Is that one of his kinks? Why does it feel filthy yet sexy at the same time?
“That I’d ever have sex with you,” I blurt out, before realizing how cruel it sounds.
Instead of harming his self-confidence, it makes the shirtless man before me grow an inch and beam. He tucks my underwear into his jogger pocket.
“Are you stealing my panties? There’s no way they’ll fit”—I nod to his cock, that must be hard again because it’s creating quite the bulge—“that.”
His mouth kinks with a curve that is obscenely controlled, like he’s used to masking all the dark and dirty things in his mind.
“I might give them back in the morning,” he finally says, ridding me of my boots.
Morning?I climb onto my forearms. “I’m not sleeping here.”
Eyes fastened to mine, he presses my legs apart, his smile growing darker, like he plans to put me in his pocket next.
“This is just sex,” I remind him. “Don’t read more into it.”
He kneels. Stare still pinned to my face, he drapes one of my legs over his shoulder, then the other.
