He shook his head. “Never, baby. Never, ever going to happen.”
But he didn’t feel that. Though there was a fierce conviction in his voice, his hold on me told a different story. He was scared. Internally freaking out in the same way I was. Desperate for each second to matter. To store a bank of memories that would transcend death.
Tears stung my eyes as I clung to him. His teeth sank into the soft spot on my shoulder, and I hissed. He didn’t let go this time as he pulled his cock out and shoved up into me hard. I gasped, my fingers digging into him.
His breath was ragged, even as he didn’t let me go. I was sure that he had broken skin now, even as he held me harshly in his mouth while he fucked me hard. I ground my teeth, closed my eyes, and hung on. His dick splitting me open, filling me with him.
And then I was flung backward. My legs didn’t release around him, even as Zilan pulled my arms from his neck. My head went underwater as his hands landed on my hips. Before I had regained my position, he was fucking up into me. Holding my hips, he used his arms to pull me off and slam home. Over and over as I tried to suck in a breath underwater, my lungs filled.
It’s a good thing I am water. That I can control the world of water. Otherwise, I likely would have drowned. But instead, the high of not being able to take more than a bubbled breath of salt water had my arousal peaking. The way he was controlling my body meant I hadn’t been able to pull myself up. The muscles in my stomach felt more like sponges than actual muscles.
And then he was pulling out of me. Zilan didn’t pull me to the surface, though. He spun me under water until my hands were on the ground and his dick in my ass again. I cried out underwater, more saltwater filling my lungs. It took everything in me to keep my monster from breaking through and commanding it to find us air within the water so we’d not drown.
Lack of breathing made my orgasm explode. My body wrung and tensed, convulsed. My arms went weak, and I nearly slammed my head into the ground before Zilan pulled me up.
This time, he got my head above the water. We were at the edge now and he bent me forward, his arm resting on the side where he pushed my head as he continued to slam into me hard. I coughed, sputtered. Desperately tried to catch my breath as Zilan rammed me until I was once again seeing stars.
Though I rarely touch myself during sex, because I like how stupidly drunk I get in the whole ordeal enough that it makes me come undone without touch, I gripped myself hard. Willing my body to hang on.
Zilan suddenly stilled, his breathing ragged. He didn’t move for a minute. I knew he wasn’t done yet. But he never took breathers.
Just as I was going to turn my head to look at him, he curled around me, burying his face in my hair. He shook in such a way that I thought he was crying. It brought tears to my eyes. Letting go of my aching dick, I reached back and took a handful of his hair. I gripped him tightly. Needing to hug him.
Without a word, he pulled out of me and urged me out of the water. Dropping one of the lounge chairs flat, he pushed me down on my stomach and followed, burying himself inside my ass as he came down on top of me. He circled me in his hold, kissing my neck softly as his rocking turned to sensual and intimate from the harshness that had been in the pool.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I shook my head. “Don’t be. I love everything you do with me.”
His laugh was quiet. Almost bitter. His hold shifted so that one of his arms was across my shoulders. He pressed his face into my hair, breathing me in.
“I’m scared,” he whispered. “I keep thinking that if I say it out loud, not giving the universe an option, that we’ll come home together.”
I swallowed thickly. “I’m scared too.”
“I know. And I’m sorry I broke down. That’s not what you need. I—”
“Zy.” He paused when I interrupted him. Even his movements as he buried himself in my ass. Using his weight to remain deep. “I know that I am the neediest one in this household. And you’re all very accommodating to my desires. But when you need something, you’re allowed to say so. I can be whatever you need me to be.”
“Can you?” he asked, his voice quiet.
I nodded. “I can.”
He didn’t move for a minute. When he did, he kissed my shoulder and got up. I rolled so I could see him and the wrecked expression made my heart clench in my throat. Zilan joined me on the lounge again, but this time next to me. Where I’d rolled to my side, he was now flush against my front.
“I need you to hold me for a minute,” he said, his brown eyes staring into mine. Letting me see how terrified he is.
Swallowing, I pressed tightly against him and wrapped myself around him. Slinging my leg over his hip and bringing him tightly to me.
Zilan clung to me. Shaking. Breathing heavy. I gripped him with everything in me, completely shook by this turn of events. No one has ever shown me anything but their strength. Because I’m always the one taken care of. I imagined that they took their needs to each other. when it came to the more vulnerable aspects of themselves
Not to me.
I was both scared out of my mind right now and somehow warmed. Probably because he’s still getting what he needs from me and that’s always what makes me feel good. And if he needs to be held and comforted for a minute, for an hour, for however long, I could do that.
Eventually, Zilan took a breath. The tension throughout his body relaxed and suddenly our positions were reversed, and he pulled me into his arms. He kissed me softly all over my face and I basked in the attention and affection. When he paused, I opened my eyes to find him looking at me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, brows knit together. I brushed the soft stubble of his face with my fingers. The wrecked expression was gone. The fear was buried again. All that I saw now was his love for me. And something else that I wasn’t quite able to identify.
