57
My Last Stand
The days fall like dominoes. Tuesday knocks into Wednesday, which topples over the next two days. Too soon, it’s Friday. The day before I’m supposed to meet Mona.
Even though Ten suggested having his father read over the fine print of the contest to see if we could void my entry, I insisted that it was okay. Besides, asking Ten’s father to get me out of a situation he still believes I voluntarily signed up for would probably raise red flags. I don’t doubt Jeff will find out, but I’d rather it happened once it wasn’t all so fresh. I’d rather he keep thinking Nev cut school because she was overwhelmed by the talk of her mother’s contest and the attention she got from her peers.
Nev has been dropping by my house almost every day after school. Rae and Laney have also spent the better part of their week with me. If anything, the bonding that ensued from the mess has made the entire thing almost worth it.
As soon as I step through Lynn’s parlor door on Friday, she and Steffi shower me with praise and then give me a thin chain with a tiny diamond star for their “rising star.” I weep into Lynn’s newly purple hair and then against Steffi’s knob-of-steel shoulder.
Tomorrow, I will sing my song for the very last time. After that, it will belong to Mona Stone. I’m at once nostalgic and relieved. I don’twant this song anymore because it already feels as though it doesn’t belong to me.
I practice it with Lynn, and then I ask her if she’s been practicing it with Nev like I asked her to, and she nods. She doesn’t know why I asked this of her, though, and I don’t explain.
Tonight I’m having dinner with Mom. It’s the first time all week we’ve been alone since she came to fetch me from school on Monday. We talk about a lot of things—mostly about what’ll happen once I sign on the dotted line and how it’ll affect my life.
“I’ll have enough money to pay for an entire year of college.” I feel dazed by this fact, because even though it was never about the prize money, it’s pretty insane how much I’m about to earn.
Mom runs one finger around the rim of her wineglass, creating a vibration that fills our kitchen. “College, huh? Is that back on the table?”
“It was never off the table. It was just shoved under a lot of other things.”
Mom smiles. I think it might be the first real smile she’s given me all week. She sets down her glass, then leans over and touches my cheek. “I’m real proud of you, baby.”
“For considering college?”
“No. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly happy to hear you talk about college. What I’m proud about, though, is how you’ve dealt with everything that’s come at you.”
If she knew what I have planned for tomorrow, I’m not sure she’d be saying this.
“Now off to bed,” she says, sending me off with a kiss on the cheek and a reminder that she loves me more than anything else in the world.
For the first time in forever, I don’t take her words for granted, because not everyone gets to hear this from their mother.
58
The First Stage of Stardom
I don’t sleep. Not for a second. When dawn creeps through my curtains, I throw the covers off my legs and get up.
I catch my reflection in the mirror—red-rimmed eyes with purple circles, a complexion that’s never been paler. I look exactly how I feel—strung out.
My phone’s screen is flooded with messages. From Rae and Laney. Notifications from the senior WhatsApp wishing me luck. And then several texts from Ten saying to come over the second it’s done. That he’s making lunch—all my favorites.
ME:Blondies?
BEAST:There will be blondies.
ME:Is Nev ready?
BEAST:She’s ready.
ME:Will your dad hate me for this?
BEAST:No.
Although Ten tried to dissuade me from bringing Nev, I made him see that she needed this. Good or bad, she has to form her own opinion of her mother.
