“Maybe I should sign usup.”
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “Don’t we spend enough timenakedandafraidaswerewolves?”
“In my case, yes, but what are you afraidof?”
He passed me the thermos, gaze cast on the sky. “Helicopters.”
“Helicopters? That’s specific. Whyhelicopters?”
“Because I crashed inone.”
My heart soared so high I felt it inside my throat. “When?”
“Three years ago.” The darkness around us increased the shadows populating his face. “It’s the reason I came back toBoulder.”
I waited, not wanting to press him, but the stretch of time between that last sentence and the next lasted aneternity.
“My buddy was piloting it. I was in the backseat with two other guys from my squad when we caught enemy fire. One of them had been telling me how he planned on proposing to his girlfriend . . . ” He stopped talking, and his lids came down hard. “Anyway, I made it. None of the others did. One of the medics kept saying how lucky I was. It made me so angry because how the hell was I the lucky one? I saw all of them die, Ness. All of them.” He finally opened his eyes. They glinted. “And now I’m the one stuck with the memory every damnday.”
I tightened my hold on my knees. I wanted to reach out to him, but then I remembered when Dad had been shot, how I’d hated the mere brush of a hand. Or the litany ofsorrys. The only person I’d wanted to be around had been my mother. I’d even pushed August and Isobelaway.
“You know what I thought when I was lying in that hospital bed?” He finally looked at me. “I thought about you. Of how brave you’d been at only eleven. I was in my twenties, and a freaking mess. It took me almost a year to stop havingnightmares.”
“I wasn’t brave, August. I just shut myself off. I’m not even sure I’ve ever really turned myself back on. Not fully. A part of me died right alongside myfather.”
He blinked, but no tears slid out of his shinyeyes.
“How did you stomach enlisting again?” I asked after a longwhile.
“I thought it would help me get over what had happened.” He grabbed the thermos of coffee and took a longswallow.
“Didit?”
He gave me a tight smile. “Nope. Just reminded me how much I hatehelicopters.”
I smiled, even though my heart bled. “You’d think that being magical creatures would give us the upper hand on death.” I raised my face toward the absent moon. Although it hadn’t birthed werewolves, the traction of Earth’s satellite influenced our magic. “Do you still want to go back into themilitary?”
He sighed. “I’m not sure what I wantanymore.”
A strange warmth pooled inside my stomach. Relief that he might notleave?
“But I might have to.” He grabbed a loose rock and flung it through the quiet air as though he were trying to skip it on thesky.
My kneecaps dug into my cheek. “Why?”
He side-eyed me. “To make things . . .easier.”
My heart spedup.
Andup. . .
“On who?” I asked so softly I wasn’t sure my words would carry to hisears.
“On both ofus.”
“Because of thelink?”
Nodding, he rolled onto his back, cushioning his head with his palms. I glanced at him over my shoulder, hoping he couldn’t feel all I was feeling, but I sensed he could. Hopefully, he’d chalk it up to the stress of the comingday.
