So, I recounted the story I gave the young woman about pain and the implication of her stomach. “But, Your Majesty, they were gossiping about the king and I think… I think I inadvertently implied…”
“What? What is it? Spit it out, girl.”
I swallowed. “I think the woman who was helping me when you walked in might believe that you areexpecting,” I said with a wince.
Her expression blanked. My stomach dropped. But then her brows rose. Delighted laughter spluttered from her.
“You… you had her believing…? Oh dear, Lord. That’s perfect,” she gasped, laughing and tittering, clasping her hands together as she turned from me. “And while they were bitching about Alexi… oh, that islovely.Well done, Bren!”
“You don’t mind?”
She turned back to face me, grinning widely. “They know that I’ve been unable to conceive,” she said as if it were nothing. But my face fell. She shook her head. “No, don’t pity me, it’s been a long journey—only, now they’ll wonder, and the girls that chase him will think… well, that’s just perfect, Bren. I wish I’d thought of it myself.”
I was grateful that she wasn’t upset. “At least if you hear the rumor you’ll know where it started.”
“Indeed,” she said dryly, then turned to face me again, her eyes twinkling. She really was quite a beautiful woman when she smiled. “Well, that is very good for your first plunge into the frigid waters of court, Bren. If you carried that off, I suspect you’ll do well in Fyrehold. But to be certain, I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
Even I knew a dismissal when I heard one. I nodded my head and curtseyed, then turned. “I will… if you could just—are the maids here to help with the dress?” I asked, knowing I was helplessly knotted into that damned corset underneath.
“Oh, no, they’re off on other duties now. But don’t worry, you can keep the dress, Bren. Take it with you to Fyrehold.”
I almost choked. “I couldn’t possibly… it’s too much—”
“You’ll need actual gowns for the court. And it should be in our style. So, please. Take it as my gift.”
“But you haven’t worn it! It could still be of such use—”
The queen’s head drifted back, and her hand came up to her throat. “I’m sorry, did you just suggest…?No,Bren,” she said emphatically. “I will not appear at court in a dress that has already beenworn.”
All the warmth in my belly over pleasing her with the rumors evaporated at the look of mild horror on her face.
“I’m sorry. Of courseyouwouldn’t wear it, but I thought it must be for someone—”
“Bren, hear me—this will be important on your trip: No woman of means will wear a gown that has already been seen publicly.”
“But, it’s such awaste!”I’d meant to refer to it being given to me, who’d use it so little. But the moment the words were out of my mouth, I realized how they sounded, and the gleam in the queen’s eye told me she’d heard it as well. “Forgive me,” I flustered. “I didn’t mean—”
“I forget how frankly you soldiers speak,” the queen interrupted me. “Let me be clear: Wasteful it may be, but it is our way. You will need to learn, if you’re to deal with powerful people, that you will be forgiven much if you are witty and engaging, Bren. But you should not question their judgment, or appear to judgethem.That will not end well for you. Do not let your dragon’s status fool you into believing you holdactualpower over the nobility,” Her eyes said I was lucky that it wouldn’t end badly right now. “Speak frankly on everything from dragons to sex, Bren. But do not tell a powerful man—or woman—that they don’t measure up. You will sound like a common, lowborn farmwife.”
“But, Iamcommon.”
She gave a small huff. “Yes. But you have been raised by the regard of others who arenot.A position most lowborn girls wouldkillto attain. This is the role you have been asked to play, and only you can decide how you’ll use your common status. In some circles it would benefit you to place yourself below them, in others it would see you viewed as little more than a handkerchief. Reveal only what benefits you in your mission. Never give yourself to a noble onanylevel, except by yourexpress choice. Because they will take from you, Bren. They will take without second thought.” Her tone tightened at the end, as if she thought I’d argue with her again, and I instinctively curtseyed again.
“Of course, of course. I understand now. I should have thought. I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll go.”
She nodded as I bowed my head, then turned for the door, clasping my skirts and hurrying. I could feel her eyes on the back of my neck, and I was flustered.
I couldn’t keep my feet with her! One moment it seemed we were comrades with a common goal, the next, I was a bug under her shoe. And every few moments, something else in between.
I bristled, angry with myself for stammering and jumping like a frightened puppy. But it had worked. And in my commonness, she’d forgiven me something that I suspected would have been roundly punished in one of her ladies.
So, even if it was uncomfortable, my stumbling and uncertainty had lowered her guard—and that of the ladies at the tea, as well.
This was, I realized, exactly what she meant about notpolishingme. That my humility would be curious to them.
I kept walking, turning the events of the morning over in my mind and considering them from all angles.
I didn’t like feeling so off-balance, but it wasn’t a new sensation for me. And if accepting that position, making myself small in that way would make people more likely to trust me. I could do that.
