For a time, I only felt my thudding pulse, pounding in my ears, and the tickle of his hair against my nose.
I was warm, my skin thrumming. Pressed against the bed by his weight. Covered.
Safe.
Tears pricked my eyes when that word sang in my head, and then in the bond.
Safe. Safe safe safe.
Warm and held, andtogether.
Donavyn buried his face against my neck and curled an arm over my head, his lips brushing and his breath fluttering against the sensitive skin under my ear.
For long minutes we lay there, together, finding our wits and returning to some semblance of control.
But when he moved like he’d shift off of me, I clung tighter.
“No,” I breathed. “Stay.”
Sensing the shift in me, Donavyn went still, but lifted his chin so his lips brushed my ear instead of my neck.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No,” I whispered, still blinking back tears. “I’ve never been better. But Imissedyou.”
He nodded. “Me as well.”
“How will we do this every day?”
A long, low rumble started in his chest on the exhale, and for a moment I thought he was angry. But then he nestled his face against my jaw and kissed the skin there, before whispering. “One day at a time. It’s all we can do.”
8. Humble Me
~ DONAVYN ~
Watching Bren leave the next morning was excruciating—and not just because I wanted her with a fire that could melt rocks. Even in the dim, early morning light, the bruises on her arm, back, hip andthighhad bloomed overnight.
I hadn’t realized she’d been hurt on her leg. I had no doubt I’d been too firm in my grip the night before. Though she hadn’t complained. We’d both been desperate. By the time I got my hands on her last night, I wouldn’t have given two shits if she’d punched me on a broken rib, as long as I got to her. I had to pray the same was true for her, because those bruises made my stomach sick when she got out of bed to wash hurriedly, then dress and leave before most of the Furyknight Officers would be roaming the stairs and lobby.
I still had an hour, so was slower to get up. But that proved dangerous. Laying in bed, staring at the slowly brightening roomonly left me time toremember. Which made the tightness in my chest worse.
We’d woken up at some point in the night and finally talked. And I’d discovered what an idiot I was. I’d descended on her the moment she arrived. Didn’t even ask how her training had gone. Turned out she’d had a shitty day.
She was so accustomed to no one giving two shits what she thought or felt, she didn’t notice when someone important to her kept all the attention on themselves. I was determined to do better, and I’d done my best to reassure her fears that she was failing.
Shadowfang training trulywasdifferent. The challenges were designed to be failed—to breed resilience and humility. A spy couldn’t risk an entire mission because their pride was wounded.
But she struggled to believe I wasn’t trying to bolster her optimism.
“…I know I’m not as strong as the men. I don’t expect to be. But the question is, will this be needed when I’m on an assignment? Because if I have to fight a man… Donavyn, I’m afraid of being the reason a mission fails!” she’d whispered, like a child telling a horrible secret.
And the thing that damned me was that I was afraid of the very same thing—not because I worried about her letting the rest of us down. I knew she wouldn’t. But because I worried that I’d lose her. And as leader, my fear risked changing my choices—and that was a risk forallof us.
I blinked out of the memory and threw back the covers. I needed another bath before I dressed, and those thoughts were making my teeth grind.
I washed and dressed, and walked out into the now-bright sunlight. But I couldn’t stop seeing flashes of those bruises in my mind, and hear her tortured whispers in my head.
I had reports to analyze and collate for the king, some investigation of my own to do, and a meeting with the Captains that afternoon, but instead of heading straight to my office in the administrative building, I found myself following the path to the main Academy.
