"I need you," I say as firmly as I can, though my voice still shakes. "And... "
I stutter as I prepare to rip my heart out from under my cage of bones. "And I want you."
I never wanted to need anyone. But somehow, he became breath and gravity.
"Evie."
The way he says my name—like an apology wrapped in a goodbye.
He doesn’t need to say more.
I swallow hard and lift my chin. "I know," I say, my voice barely above a whisper. "I know it can never be, but I can’t help how I feel."
I take a step back from him, trying to regain some composure. My arms cross over my torso, like that could hold me together.
Shadow contorts in agony, and for a moment I think he might reach out?—
And just like that, he’s gone. And I’m left with nothing but the shape of him still pressed into the air.
He vanishes into a cloud of darkness.
Silence envelops me as I woodenly sit on the bed. The emptiness of the room is as suffocating as the heat pumping through the vents.
Everything he confessed revealed an entirely new world I never knew existed. But I don’t even care. Because all I know is, no matter what, I’ll always wait for him to come to me.
A purgatory of waiting that I deserve—for sending him to a place of isolation and pain.
He might as well have handed me over to Miguel with a bow.
The cold wind whips my face as Miguel and I step out into the biting winter. Even with the chill, anxiety prickles like heat beneath my skin. Miguel’s been so earnest about introducing me to his friends. He says they’re like family. But the idea took a lot of convincing on his part.
I’ve been alone for so long that the thought of being thrust into a group feels intimidating. I’m not sure I even know what "normal" means.
"We’re almost there," Miguel murmurs, pulling me closer. The dimly lit streets don’t do much to ease my apprehension.
The neon sign of the burger joint flickers, and I can already spot the chipped tiles from outside. The smell of grease and fried food hangs thick in the air, making my mouth water. Taking a deep breath, we step inside.
Warmth envelopes us. The glow from overhead lamps shines over a table at the back, where a bunch of people our age chatter animatedly. Laughter bubbles up from the group, infectious even from a distance. Miguel waves, drawing a chorus of greetings from the table.
"Evie, these are my friends," Miguel says, a hint of pride in his voice. Most of them offer genuine smiles and kind eyes. But there’s a pair of eyes that scrutinize me. A young woman with sharp features, raven-black hair, and heavy purple makeup.Beside her, a guy with a square haircut gives me an equally weighing look.
"This is Carla," Miguel says, nodding toward the woman, "and that’s Tony." He lists off five more names I forget as soon as I hear them. A knot tightens in my chest as I realize I’ll have to start paying better attention.
Miguel seamlessly fits in with the group. He’s a part of this mosaic of shared jokes, tales from classes, and mutual gripes about bosses and professors. He laughs easily, throwing his head back in carefree abandon, mimicking a professor with an absurd posture. The group bursts into another round of laughter.
For a fleeting moment, I almost touch the edges of that carefree, goofy energy. My fingers skim the glass separating me and everyone at the table, and I can feel the vibrations of their lives. I imagine having stories about classroom escapades, where my biggest complaint is about early morning lectures or difficult assignments. A pang shoots through my chest.
Did I not work hard enough? Or was that never going to be enough?
The girl seated across from me, Carla, offers a saccharine smile. "So, Evie, Miguel tells us you’re a house cleaner? That must be... interesting." There’s an underlying tone that doesn’t sit right with me.
I nod, trying to keep my voice even. "It’s a job." Then, noting Miguel’s attention, I add, "A job I’m grateful to have. My boss is great too."
He shoots me a warm smile, with a knowing glint in his eyes. As if to say, "Are you sucking up for my benefit? My aunt’s not here."
Tony, leaning back, smirks. "College not for you, then?"
I simply shake my head.
