I slam the door shut and lock it with shaking fingers as if that will keep him and his questions out.
Whoever that was, he wasn't police. Knowing the information I pulled from Hurley's safe, I can easily guess what kind of mess I’ve gotten myself into. The kind where no one finds the bodies in the end.
I resort to chain-smoking and petting the cat who came around for some tuna until night falls. Shadow still doesn't come, though I broadcast with all of my energy that I need him.
To do what though? This is human business. Would I have Shadow hunt this man down and eat his heart to keep him quiet?
Then I remember how the uninvited intruder said, "We know you were there that night."We.Whoever Toothpick Guy was, he's not the only one who knows about me or what I've done.
Can I force Shadow to kill them all for me? Would I? I press the heel of my palm to one side of my now throbbing temples.
A scratchy meow pulls my attention to the cat in my lap. He stares up at me with a level gaze.
"I know I'm fucked," I respond. "You don't need to tell me."
I shed my old skin to become the monster I was always meant to be. One who will fight for Shadow at any cost. But would I continue bloodshed to protect myself?
I rub the cat’s soft ear between my fingers. "I guess we'll find out."
Monster Magnet
"You are tired. Stressed," Shadow says. He returned to my apartment with normal-sized horns and white eyes.
It’s true. Since that night with Hurley, the picture of the little girl, and the teddy bear, I haven’t slept much.
I simply nod.
As if sensing I’m more fragile than usual, he curls around me in my bed, simply holding me. No matter how many times he’s taken me, I still find that my skin, my bones, are always starving for his touch.
I don’t tell him about my uninvited visitor.
I’m not the only one who needs a break.
Shadow came to me with open wounds of bright red muscles oozing blood. His shadows seem to wilt off of his monstrous body rather than flow with their usual strength. His words and movement come slower.
He’s tired from being hunted, worn down by the constant pursuit and fighting for survival.
We both need a moment to justbe. Even now, his wounds heal while we lay.
"Sometimes I think it's me," I say softly, running my fingers over a velvet tendril of darkness emanating from him.
His grunt is a question. I swallow hard over the lump that’s grown in my throat.
"Sometimes... " It's hard for me to verbalize this. I fear putting the words out into the air will automatically make it true, but I’ve thought it for a long time. "Sometimes, I thinkIattract the monsters, humans or otherwise. That there is a darkness in me, a gravitational pull, that brings all the shit into my orbit. That simply because I'm me, I can never escape it."
Shadow doesn't speak.
"For the longest time, I assumed everyone's lives were the same level of shittiness, that everyone is surrounded by people who would gut you to help themselves. But after knowing Miguel and his family—" I shake my head. "It's not true. There is light in the world. There are good people." Maybe I could have been part of that if I had tried harder to go to the light, to accept Miguel's love, to leave Shadow behind.
The thought has me nestling further into my monster's embrace. My body and brain relax with a release of endorphins that I never once felt with Miguel. With Shadow, I am whole, accepted, and safe.
"You are—" Shadow starts, then hesitates.
I'm not sure if he doesn't know what to say or if he is trying to choose his words carefully.
"More powerful than you know," he finally finishes. "Things of darkness are attracted to power."
I snort. "Powerful, me?"
