“Don’t think you’re going to be leaving my kids in the house with your parents while you’re out being a hoe. Don’t let your sister and your single friends get you fucked up. Thinking you gon’ be wildling and having niggas around my kids will be the quickest way to piss me off.”
“My pussy is no longer your concern.” A devilish smirk inched across my face, and Corey was so mad he was damn near foaming at the mouth.
Inching toward me, he flexed his jaw muscles. “That’s not the side of me you want to see.”
“Boy fuck you,” I stated dryly before walking out the door.
I was breaking inside. No, scratch that. I was broken. Crying had become the norm for me. I was so uncertain of my future that it was giving me anxiety. From one day to the next, I wasn’t sure how I would make a life for me and my kids. Despite my fear, I knew where there was a will there was a way. I could be hurt. I could even mourn my relationship, but I was going to get on my shit in the process. My kids wouldn’t suffer because their father was an idiot. I refused to let that happen.
“Check your message requests on Instagram, sister.” My sister, Josie, entered the room I was staying in at my parents’ house.
The girls were gone to Bible study with my mom. I had been curled up in bed on my phone sulking. It had officially been eight days since I left Corey. Alisa was a God send. She’d given me my first check under the table, so taxes wouldn’t be taken out. I put the entire amount in my savings account. I had been promoting my makeup services on social media every day but so far, I didn’t have any jobs booked.
The bad thing about living with my parents was not being able to be sad in peace. Every ten seconds, someone was staring in my face trying to make sure I was okay. Which I wasn’t, but I didn’t want them to know that. I was trying to be okay at work. Making the effort to be okay in front of my kids. All of the pretending was starting to wear on me mentally. Corey had talked to my mom, and the girls were going to go with him for the weekend. I needed to be saving money, but I was tempted to get a hotel room while they were gone. All I wanted to do waslay in bed and cry without someone being worried about me or trying to give me a pep talk and lift my spirits.
I knew that life went on. I also knew God didn’t stop making men when he made Corey. It was common sense that one day, I’d get over my heartbreak. All the things that people kept telling me were things that I already knew. That didn’t make it hurt any less. You don’t spend seven years with someone and not feel like someone died when the relationship ended. That wasn’t feasible for me. And I couldn’t rush through the healing process because other people felt I shouldn’t be crying or stressing. It was his loss. I deserved better. Be glad that I didn’t marry him. I’d heard all the things, and I was still heartbroken.
With furrowed brows, I went to my message requests. My interest was piqued. Prayerfully, it was something good because my sister wanted to me to see for myself rather than telling me. Or maybe it was bad. The saliva in my mouth dried up at the revelation that someone could have been using social media to ‘come to me as a woman.’ No for that, my sister would have warned me.
I had a message request from someone named,@london_cooks. Whoever she was, she had 459,000 followers and a blue check by her name that meant she was ‘somebody.’
Hey! Your sister told me that you do makeup really well, and I stalked some of your pictures, lol. I am going to be filming for a reality show, and I’m very particular about who does my makeup. Can I give you a trial run before filming starts? My husband has a game on Sunday. If you’re available, we can set something up.
With a slack jaw, I went to her profile and discovered that she was a WAG, Wife or girlfriend of a pro athlete. My head lifted.Josie was staring at me with a smile on her face. “How do you know her? Her husband plays for the Diamond Cove Cougars.”
“We take a hot yoga class together. She mentioned that she was looking for a makeup artist, so you know I had to plug you in.”
“Oh my God, Josie. Thank you so much. She has a lot of followers. If she likes her makeup and tags me, this could be big for me.” The excitement hadn’t settled all the way in before my nerves began to get the best of me.
What if she hated it? What if she did a story time and told everyone how I did a terrible job and to never book me. I focused on the words coming out of my sister’s mouth and refused to entertain the spirit of fear. I did good makeup. I knew I did. Of course, I couldn’t please everyone, but I wasn’t going to let self-sabotage steal my joy.
“She’s actually very nice. You know a lot of these chicks with famous or rich husbands and boyfriends are stuck up, but she’s very down to earth. We always talk in class, but I don’t crowd her or do too much. I don’t want her to think I have any ulterior motives and that I’m trying to get close to her for the wrong reasons. The way some of those chicks in class try to crawl in her ass is diabolical. Like, they’re hoping she’ll invite them to a game and introduce them to the entire football team and let them have their pick or something.”
“I definitely appreciate you putting in a word for me. I’m grateful that Alisa gave me a job as well. I love ma and dad, but I want my own place yesterday,” I giggled. “I just want my own space. My makeup clients need to increase tenfold.”
“Corey’s child support needs to be tenfold too,” she glowered. “I really can’t believe his dusty ass. He needs to be paying up. Fuck nigga,” she hissed.
At the mention of his name, my gut twisted. How was I supposed to do this? How was I supposed to get over himwhen the mere mention of his name made me physically ill? Swallowing down a lump, I hated how I’d gone from geeked to disgusted all in a matter of seconds. Life had gotten real for me. Corey should absolutely have to help me make sure his kids were comfortable, but if it meant arguing with him constantly, I was good doing it on my own. Being a single mother of three children wasn’t on my Bingo card for the year, but the only way around it was to be with a cheater, and that would never happen.
“We’ll see how that goes,” I mumbled.
“You need to go on one of my weekly adventures with me. Next week, I’m doing karaoke and a book club meeting. I also have a Pilates class. You can do yoga with me or whatever you want. I know you’re about to be busy, but you have to make a little time to do something that’s just for you.”
“I know. Maybe one of these weekends when Corey gets the girls I’ll try something new with you. Hot yoga sounds interesting but I’m going to tell you right now, I’m not doing any 5am classes. Especially on the weekend. The devil is a liar.”
Josie laughed and fell back on the bed. “I got you, twin.”
Josie was ten months older than me, and people used to think we were twins when we were younger. I had told her many times, but I wasn’t sure she really knew how much I admired her. Josie really created the life that she wanted for herself, and I loved that for her. When she graduated from high school, she went to community college. Her dream was to become a teacher. After two years of teaching, she hated it and was living check to check while being emotionally and mentally drained.
No matter how strapped she was for cash, Josie would still find extra money to treat herself to nice things. Whether it was a massage, facial, taking a trip and flying first class, renting a BMW or Range Rover and driving it for a week, she would treat herself like she was already financially stable and secure. Josie was very creative and taught herself years ago how to dophotoshop and graphic design. She ended up posting something she made on social media and got the attention of a woman that owned a few spas. She hired Josie to do all of her promo, website, the whole nine.
The more Josie advertised her work on social media, the more clients she got. After a year, she had made over $100,000 doing graphic design, and she quit her teaching job. Josie’s list of clients was so long that sometimes after a month or two of no days off, she’d stop accepting any new clients for two or three weeks just to relax and reset. She lived the life of the single, rich, auntie. Josie traveled when she wanted and was always looking for her next adventure whether it was yoga, hiking, or traveling to different countries by herself. My sister’s life was very fulfilled and every time I saw her no lie, she looked like she was glowing. People had stopped even asking her when she was going to get married and have kids because there were people with kids and spouses that envied her carefree happy ass. Shit, I was lowkey one of them. I loved my babies, and I even liked being in a relationship. But that shit could hold you back and have you miserable if the circumstances weren’t right.
Being single didn’t mean being unhappy and being in a relationship didn’t always mean happy. A sour taste infiltrated my mouth when I realized that being happy and single with three kids would be a bit of a challenge. Most times, I did everything alone as far as raising the girls and holding down the house, but I did have help from time to time. There were times that Corey took them out and I had a few hours to myself. There was even a time or two when he cleaned the house and made breakfast just so I could take a nap or sleep in. Those instances were few and far between but still there had been times when he did them.
No use in crying over spilled milk. What was done was done. It just sucked that even though Corey was the one that made the bed, I had to learn how to get comfortable in it.
CHAPTER 3
