“Yes! Jesus, could you not?—”
“I amtryingto keep myfactsstraight, you secret-keeping sneaky bastard,” Bastien sniffs.
“I was supposed to justtell you?”
“Yes! Also can I point out that I literally just suggested you ask her out on a date,” Thalia says. “ClearlyI’m not judging your penchant for keeping it in the family.”
“At least she’s not your calculus professor,” Bastien adds, and now Thalia turns to him.
“That isnotthe issue at hand,” she says. “Also, it worked out fine, okay?”
“Is there any sort of award for having the least scandalous sex life?” Bastien asks, addressing the ceiling or perhaps God himself. “Maybe it comes with a lifetime supply of vanilla?”
“What would you do with a lifetime supply of vanilla?” I ask. “Have you ever used vanilla?”
“I make cookies sometimes,” he says, offended. “And sometimes I add it to a protein shake for a little extra?—”
“Anyway,you’re fucking our stepsister,” Thalia interrupts.
“No, because we called it off after—uh, a few days ago, which Ialready told you if you would listen.”
They make more faces.
“Afew days?”
“You didn’t say a few days ago,” Bastien agrees. “I thought you meant, like, months.”
“Years,” offers Thalia. “Where did you two sneak off to on Christmas?”
Bastien looks horrified. “Did you go?—”
“No! No, I showed her Wells’s giant skeleton,” I say. “Comeon.”
“I can’t tell if that’s a euphemism,” my brother says to Thalia.
“No, the giant skeleton is real,” she replies. “One of his weird friends has it in his front yard because of…the first amendment, or something.”
“It’s to annoy his asshole neighbor,” I clarify.
“So, you stopped fucking and now you’re just walking around making sad heart eyes at each other,” Bastien says. “I feel like there’s an obvious solution here.”
“We’re not making sad heart eyes,” I protest, even though I know it’s pointless. Their pitying stares are identical.
I take a deep breath, rub my hands over my face, and wonder if there’s some way I can escape through the bathtub drain. “She’s not making heart eyes.”
They look at each other. I don’t like it.
“Madeline has been very clear that she wants to keep things casual.” I am calm and quiet and totally in control of this situation. “Wanted. When there were things to keep casual. The things that have now concluded.What,” I say when Thalia literally raises her hand.
“You said she’s been clear about keeping things casual?” she asks, because of course Thalia is going to question every step of this process like it’s undergoing peer review.
“Yes.”
“Clear how? Did she say that with words?”
“Yes,” I say. Which is basically true.
“Recently? What exactly did she say when she broke things off at Christmas?”
