“Yeah, of course,” he says. “You’ll tell me if anything else goes down?”
“Are you expecting something else?”
“You can never tell,” he says, looking askance at his mom’s house. We’re standing outside, by the driveway. Thalia is already in the passenger seat of Javi’s car. She’s studiously looking at her phone and pretending she’s not paying us any attention. Behind us, the curtains are drawn, but the back of my neck prickles, like all Javi’s relatives are watching us from right behind them.
I feel like I’m in a fishbowl. Or, worse, like I’m a panda in a zoo, surrounded by people anxiously waiting to see if I’m going to mate. No wonder panda birth rates are low. This isextremelyunsexy.
“But I’m glad they know,” he says after a moment. “It’s easier than lying.”
“I’m sorry your mom is mad at you.”
“I think Thalia and Bastien are right and she’ll come around.” His shrug is a little too casual to be real.
“She will,” I say, because I want that to be true and because I want the insistent voice in my head that’s sayingWhat if she doesn’t, what if you ruined their relationshipto be wrong. I don’t think I’ve fought with either of my parents like that since I was in high school. I can’t imagine doing it now. What would we even fight about?
We stand there a bit longer, close but not touching, trying not to feelobserved. He should go, since he promised to have Thalia back home on the early side, but I think neither of us wants him to leave.
“Hey,” he says. “If I’m disinvited from the wedding, can I come as your date instead?”
“Sure, if you’re willing to share,” I say. “YouknowI already have one.”
“Wow, greedy.” His voice is pitched extra low. My face flushes hot atgreedy, and he smirks, leaning in a little. “But I knew that.”
“You say that like it’s a problem.”
“Absolutely not. I like you greedy.” There’s a flash of teeth on his lower lip while he thinks.
“I know.”
That gets a real smile, then a glance at the curtain-covered windows. Right. Pandas.
“I like Ben, by the way. I wasn’t sure if I would.”
“Great. You can smoke cigars together at the wedding when you’re both my date,” I tell him.
“You’re really into this idea, huh?” he asks, one eyebrow raised. His sister glances over at us, and I laugh.
“They already paid for everything. They’re not going to waste money by disinviting you,” I say. “My dad reuses Ziploc bags.”
“And drives an hour to get her the ice cream she likes.”
“Well, that’s different. Turns out he gets a little crazy when he’s in love.”
As soon as it comes out of my mouth, I swear all the normal, everyday, city sounds stop. There’s no traffic, no birds, no breeze, no people going about their days. Javi and I look at each other, and it feels like we’re in a diving bell at the bottom of the ocean. Then we both look away, and life resumes like a record player starting back up.
“You should go. It’s freezing out here, your sister’s waiting?—”
“Right, yeah, but—I’ll call you tonight.”
He steps forward and gives me a soft, chaste kiss. The tip of his nose is cold where it touches my cheek, but his mouth is warm and so are the hand he puts on my face and the fingers he slides into my hair. The kiss lingers, and then I’ve got my hands on his coat. I grip his pockets, both pulling him in to me and trying not to becauseeveryone is watching.
I want the bell jar back, right now. I want the world to fade, because this is what we should have and what we’ve never quite managed to get: the time and the space to be like this. Kissing and nothing more. Lazy in the morning. It’s mostly our own fault, but still.
We both pull away before tongues get involved, and Javi rests his forehead on mine.
“I’ll miss you,” he says. “I always do.”
“Always?”
