“Yes, we established that,” I say. “It’s bacon, which everyone likes and which smells good. I was makingconversation, so now you’re supposed to—”
I don’t get to dictate his half of it, because he’s put down the spatula, takes my face in his hand, and turns to kiss me on the lips. It’s a quick kiss at the wrong angle, but my stomach feels like an entire flock of grouse takes off inside it.
“I know how to converse,” he says, head still turned, his face an inch from mine.
“Do you?”
“Go get ready for hiking,” he says, all low and fake-gruff, like he’s not secretly the sweetest person I’ve ever met. “We’re leaving right after breakfast.”
I kiss him on the cheek before heading into the bathroom.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
GIDEON
Before we can actually leave,my phone rings, and because I’m cursed to be reachable at all times, I answer. It’s Reid, and apparently, I’ve missed a lot in the past day.
“Whyis the women’s bible study group refusing to meet at mom and dad’s house, again?” I ask, twenty minutes later. I think I’m being very patient, but Reid huffs. He does not, technically, roll his eyes, but it’s close.
“Because, according to Sadie, Mom made Beth miss choir practice to replant her rosebushes,” Reid explains very slowly, as if explaining this to a small child.
“It’swinter.”
“They’re in a greenhouse or something, I don’t know.”
“Okay. Boycotting for missed choir practice. Got it.”
I don’t, but that’s probably fine. I still don’t know why he’s telling me all this third-hand gossip.
“And Beth had to re-plant the rose bushes because Sadie told Mom who really ran them over eight years ago,” he continues. Even though I was in my mid-twenties and not living at home, I remember the incident well, mostly because my parents wanted me to get to the bottom of it. That didn’t go well, either.
“And Sadie was getting back at Beth because Beth found condoms, et cetera, in her bedroom and went off about it,” I finish, becausethatpart of the story I managed to understand the first time. I do not elaborate on theet ceterabecause I’m still on my first cup of coffee and also, thinking about what else my little sister has in her bedside table may, in fact, cause me to die. “And she was snooping because…”
“She’s a self-righteous nosy twat who thinks it’s her job to police the rest of us?”
I take another sip of coffee because as much as I try—unsuccessfully—not to get involved in my siblings’ disputes, I don’t exactly disagree with Reid’s assessment.
“And now Sadie’s upset,” I finish, still in the just-trying-to-get-the-facts portion of my morning. Andi is still getting dressed, and given the discussion I’m having with Reid, I’m hoping she takes a while longer. She doesn’t need to know how fucked up this situation is or just how deeply I’m still enmeshed in my family’s bullshit.
“Yes,” Reid says, giving me alookthrough FaceTime. “She says Mom gave her a lecture about sex before marriage, Matt’s wife took her aside for a littlegirls-onlychat that I’m pretty sure involved the phraseget the milk for free, Zach won’t look at her, and Beth is furious that her sweet, obedient little protege is actually no such thing.”
For the record, Sadie is twenty-five, teaches middle school math, and doesn’t live at home. I imagine that in regular families, Beth would have quietly closed the drawer and never mentioned it.
Actually, in most families, I doubt Beth would have opened someone else’s bedside drawer in the first place. Lucky us.
“Oh, and Jacob called her a Jezebel, so she punched him,” Reid finishes. “In the arm. Pretty hard, though.”
Reid, who adores and would do anything for his older sister, is grinning about it.
“Great,” I mutter. “He needed more to bitch about. How’s Sadie… holding up?”
“She’s pretty upset,” Reid says. “Her and her boyfriend who she’s apparently fucking were over here until pretty late last night. He’s nice. Seemed supportive, if out of his depth.”
“What, he didn’t follow the politics of planting rosebushes and choir practice?”
“God help him, he tried,” Reid says. “And Sadie is, like,intothis dude, so I think she’s also mad that Beth basically tainted his reputation with the rest of our family before he even met them.”
“We’re talking about taints already?”
