“We all need someone to pray for us,” he says, but the smile is fading, the accent hardening. William Bell never had much of a mask.
“All the same, I’d prefer you not do it for me,” I say, perfectly polite. My hand is sweating where I’m gripping the strap of my messenger bag.
“Still the same stubborn, wicked girl,” William says, shaking his head. Something inside me flashes white-hot. “Still a lost lamb, turned away from the Lord—”
“Whatever you’re asking for, I don’t want it,” I snap, and my heart is hammering, my palms sweaty. “Whoever listens to your—"Bullshit. “—prayers, I don’t want anything to do with them.”
“Forgive her, Lord,” he murmurs to—himself? “She doesn’t mean it.”
“Yes, she does,” I say, and walk for the doors, calling back over my shoulder. “Good to see you!”
“I know what you’re doing.”
“Leaving the building after a school board meeting?”
“You’re only with Gideon to exact revenge on our family,” he says, and I swear everything in the cosmos goes still for one single, silent moment. I turn, slowly.
“That’s all you think of him?” I say, my voice rising. “That I don’t—that he’s not—”
“Dad,” Matt says. He is ignored.
“You think the only reason I’d date Gideon is to get to you,” I go on, and I think I’m shouting now. “You think I’d do that?To Gideon? You think Gideon wouldn’t know? You don’t think he could do a million times better?”
“I know you came back to tear our family apart,” William sneers, and it’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. “You, Andrea, are a test of our faith, but Gideon will see you for what you are and return to us.”
That one drips down my spine like tar, finding that secret place where my fears live. My hands are in fists.
“I’m with Gideon because I want to be with Gideon,” I say, and I’m quiet now but my voice is shaking. “That’s it. That’s all. I don’t give a fuck whether your family gets torn apart or not.”
It’s not true, but the lie feels great.
“See?” Matt says softly, and something registers in my brain.
“What do you meanreturn to us?” I ask.
“I mean that once he is rid of your influence, we will be waiting with open arms—”
“Say it normal!” I shout. Matt clears his throat.
“Gideon is cut off until he apologizes to our parents,” Matt says, and he looks—smug? Pleased, in a way that can’t be Christlike. Like he’s won something at last. I feel like my heart might punch its way out of my chest.
“What,” I say, and swallow, trying to sound normal. “Did Gideon do that you think he needs to apologize for?”
I’m afraid I know the answer, and it feels like the bottom dropping out, like tiny barbs in my heart.Cut off. Oh fuck. Oh, god.
“For you, mostly,” Matt says, just as William says, “He was disrespectful.”
“Good,” I say, and feel like someone else is talking. “You don’t deserve his respect.”
William gives Matt a significant look. “Told you,” he says, softly.
“You’re going to die alone,” I tell William, because I can say whatever I want now. “You’re going to drive away anyone who’s still got the ability to love you, and when the shriveled husk of your heart finally stops beating, you will be alone in this world. And I hope I can feel it when it happens.”
There’s a blanket of silence in this over-bright high school lobby. It settles and stretches, my brain echoing, and I try to convince my feet to move out the door but William is staring at me, ugly with anger, and Matt is staring over my shoulder and looking slightly alarmed and—
I can sense what’s happened a moment before I actually turn to see it.
It’s Gideon. He’s standing in the doorway, the door slightly propped behind him. I didn’t hear it open, and I have no idea how long he’s been there, and I’ve been shouting at his family and doesn’t that prove what they’ve been saying about me?
