“Would it be okay if I spent the night here this weekend?” Lukas asks, taking me by surprise.
My mom’s expression makes more sense now.
“Of course you can,” I say, my throat suddenly thick with emotion. “Is that okay with you, Mom?”
“Absolutely!” She’s practically vibrating with excitement. “I can pick him up Saturday morning.”
I smile. “Well, I guess it’s settled then.”
It’s not long before Lukas and I head out. As we’re leaving, my mom gives him the biggest hug and he hugs her back just as hard. After seeing the relationship he has with his grandma, I think he needed this. Someone grandma-like to welcome him in like he wasn’t a burden.
We’re halfway home when Lukas turns to me, hands nervously picking at each other again. “You, uh… You mentioned therapy before.”
I meet his gaze, my brows lifting in question.
“Well, uh—” He clears his throat. “Maybe I want that too.”
“Yeah?” My heart thunders.
He nods, then shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Yeah. I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right?”
“Right. I think it’ll be good for you to have someone neutral to talk to about…everythin’.”
Lukas is quiet for a moment. “Okay,” he finally says. “I’ll do it.”
I want to ask what made him decide to go through with it, but I don’t. I don’t want to make it into a bigger deal than it is and have him change his mind. “Alright,” I say. “I’ll look into possible therapists, and we’ll go from there.”
He nods again. Just once, firmly. “Okay. Thanks, Remi.”
Nothing more is said during the drive back to our house, but a sense of pride shines through me. I don’t know what made him come around to the idea, but maybe I’m doing all right at this guardian thing after all.
It’s not until much later that I realize I never responded to Gentry. Lukas wanting to sleep over at my mom’s this weekendfeels like fate handing me Gentry on a silver platter, and who am I to deny fate?
Me: Saturday. But if it’s only one night, then I’m staying alllll night long. So be ready for me, daddy.
I’m still not sure this one-night deal is smart, but there’s no way I’m turning him down. Not when I’ve been dreaming about this for years.
Twenty-One
Gentry
It’s been weeks.
Weekssince the night at the bar, and I still can’t get it out of my mind.
If I had to guess what insanity felt like, I’d say this was it—replaying memories, craving more, and wishing it would happen again. I tried to fight it, tried to block it from my mind, but it didn’t work. If anything, it made it worse. Which is exactly why I suggested this…arrangement with Remington.
One night.
One night to fully give in to what my body clearly wants. What he wants. One night to pretend our circumstances are different, pretend he isn’t my son’s best friend and that we shouldn’t be doing this. One night to get it out of our systems so I can finally move on and put this past me.
Otherwise, I don’t think it’ll ever go away. It’s affecting me in ways that are rather inconvenient. I can’t focus on the ranch, I’m restless at night, my showers are almost always occupied by himnow—his flirting, the kiss, the bar bathroom and how good it felt—and I can’t look my son in the eye.
I’m also torn when it comes to pottery. Since the night at the bar, I’ve gone to another class, but not the private ones. I can’t. I hate taking the class in a room with so many other, more established people because my confidence isn’t where I’d like it to be when it comes to the clay and wheel. My movements are still clumsy and messy, and my pieces end up looking like a small child made them. It’s embarrassing, but it’s my only option right now because the classesarehelping my issues—as much as I wish the doctor’s suggestion was bullshit, it’s not—but being alone with Remington is too risky.
I need to get him out of my system once and for all. And I will.
Tonight.
