A comfortable silence falls over us while we finish our tasks. Once I’m done, I rest my hip against the edge of the counter and pull out my phone, wanting to check in on Lukas.
Me: Hey, how’s he doing? Make sure he does his homework before he goes to bed.
My sister, Sadie, is at the house with him. She runs her own digital marketing company and usually finishes work by noon, so she’s been picking Lukas up from school and staying with him until after dinner on the days I’ve had to work. My schedule is nice because when I get off tomorrow morning, I’ll have two days off, so I really only have to rely on Sadie a couple of times a week. It’s not a long-term solution, but for now, it works.
Sadie: You sound like a dad already. LOL. Lukas is good, but he still doesn’t talk much. He did his homework as soon as we got back to the house, so all good there.
He’s kind of a shy kid when he first meets people—except for me, maybe because ofhowwe met—and I don’t know if that’s just how he naturally is or if it stems from his father’s death and his subsequent major life change. I’d like to find him a good therapist to talk to, but I haven’t had a chance to bring it up to him and see how he feels about that. I think it could be good for him. I probably would’ve benefitted from seeing one after mydad died, but back then, therapy was still a little taboo, especially in the South.
Maybe I’ll find a way to broach the topic tomorrow when he gets home from school.
“I met with the chief this morning,” Ford says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Oh yeah?”
“He’s officially retiring at the end of the year.”
“And that’s when you’ll take over for him?” I ask, my stomach twisting, knowing where this is headed.
It’s been over a month since I met with Chief Daniels, when he told me to give him arealreason for why I want the captain position. I still haven’t come up with an answer worth giving him, and even though I know I’ve got time, I’ve still done my best to avoid him ever since. But I can’t run from this forever. Decisions have to be made.
“Looks that way,” Ford murmurs. “He brought you up, about if you should be in the runnin’ for captain.”
My stomach drops, but I splash a charming grin on my face to hide it. “I already told him I wanted it.”
Ford pauses. “But do you?”
I whip my head around, meeting his gaze, my brow furrowed. “Of course, I do.” For some reason, the words taste like chalk on my tongue.
“It’s okay if you don’t,” he offers gently. “There’s nothing wrong with stayin’ where you’re at, you know.”
Rearing back like he physically struck me, I say, “Do you not think I’d be a good fit?”
Ford’s gaze softens as he clicks his tongue to his teeth. “Of course I think you’d be a good fit. I just want to be sure that you really want it, and you’re not doing it simply because you think it’s what’s next.”
First, Chief Daniels, and now him.
What’s the big fucking deal if Idothink it’s what’s next? Why’s that so wrong? That doesn’t mean I don’twantthe promotion. Isn’t that how goals work? You go after what you think is next?
“I do want it,” I say, trying to sound as believable as I can. “Already told Chief that. Didn’t think I needed to make you believe it too.”
“Hey, don’t get upset with me. I’m just tryin’ to look out for you. It’s a big responsibility, and it’d be okay if it wasn’t one you wanted to take. Frankly, there’s nobody more capable, and nobody I’d rather take my place than you. But I’d be remiss to not make sure you know that you don’thaveto do it if you don’t want to. That’s all.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat, hating how offended I feel when I know he’s only trying to help me. Because he’s right, it is a big responsibility. A hell of a lot more than I have right now. I think any great mentor and supervisor would do the same thing. So then, why does it feel like such a slap in the face? I want the promotion, the responsibility. Yes, it’s the next logical step, but it’s one Iwant. Simple as that.
Except I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince more: Captain…or myself.
Nine
Remi
“Do you want a salad with it?”
Lukas snorts and shakes his head. “No, I don’t want a salad with dinner.”
Chuckling, I hold my hands up and say, “Hey, what kind of responsible adult would I be if I didn’t at least offer you some veggies with dinner?”
“Doyouwant one?”
