“In a way that makes me want to close the bar early, but my favorite customer just ordered a drink.”
I laughed. “Can you really call me a customer when you neverlet me pay?”
“You—” He cleared his throat, his hand moving behind his neck. “Let’s start with that drink. What do you want tonight, Sean?”
“Just some water. I’m feeling very thirsty.” When Jack’s eyes narrowed on him, he winked back.
“I’ll get that drink started.” Jack moved down the bar, almost running into Wendy when his eyes didn’t shift away from me.
Sean leaned closer. “I think you broke his brain already. This will be fun.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do.” I set my bigger than usual purse on the bar.
Sean eyed it, his eyebrows drawing together. “Didn’t pack light tonight, did you? It’s like you’re planning something.” He nudged my shoulder, laughing when my skin flushed. “Hoping to stay over?”
“It’s not that. Well, I kind of do want that, but it’s—” I reached into the purse and pulled out the notebook I’d tucked inside. “I’ve got homework this week. I thought doing it here might help. The bar is called The Muse, after all.”
“Needing ideas?” Sean’s fingers found mine on top of the notebook. “I thought the list I gave you a while ago would have helped with that.”
“It did.” Not that I’d had the opportunity to explore those particular ideas. “But it’s not about that—well, not only that. I’m supposed to think about my future and what I want in it.”
“Oh, we both know what you want,” Sean said, glancing toward where Jack was returning with our drinks.
I rubbed my forehead. “It’s been brought to my attention that I put myself on hold to focus on other people. People like—” I broke off, biting my lip.
“Neil,” Sean finished for me. He glanced up as Jack set a glass of water in front of him. “How is that ex of yours? Still hassling you? Do I need to punch him again?”
“Sean,” Jack warned, but his eyes were on me, as if he was invested in the answer.
I took a breath. “I blocked him last night.” I’d blocked his parents as well. They’d been leaving messages about how awful Neil felt and how he was falling apart without me.
Neil’s messages were similar, except on the nights he was drinking. Those messages were full of his anger toward me for ending things.
All the messages I received focused on Neil. What he needed, how he was feeling, and the effect on his life. The only time I was mentioned was how I’d ruined his life. None of the messages included an apology or a promise he’d do better. They didn’t even include questions about how I was doing.
A part of me had been worried about going no contact with Neil. If something happened to him, how would I know? How would I fix it?
That it wasn’t my place to fix it had been settling in my mind. The last message he’d left had been about losing his job. I’d felt blank hearing it, empty, with no urge to call and commiserate with him.
“Blocking him was easier than I thought it would be. I don’t regret it.” My chest wasn’t even tight talking about it. I stared down at my hands. “I know it took me too long to do it.”
“It took how long it was supposed to take.” Jack set down a tapered glass filled with reddish-pink sparkling liquid. “Here. For you.”
“It’s so pretty.” I was almost afraid to reach for it. The sweetness of the first sip bubbled on my tongue. “And good, but then everything you make me is good.”
He smiled back, his eyes shifting as another patron gestured for his attention.
I watched him walk away.
“So this list of yours?” Sean asked. “Is it a bucket list?”
“Sort of. That’s what I started with.” I flipped open the top cover to show him. Places I’d like to travel were easy, though I’d only listed the top three.
“You want to get a tattoo?” he asked, already moving down the list. “Can I ask where?” His eyebrows waggled.
I laughed. “I’m not sure yet, but somewhere it’ll be easy for me to see. Because it’d be for me.” Saying that sounded selfish, but instead of guilt, I let another sip of bubbles burst inside me. “I’ve always liked them, but I don’t have a design in mind.”
“I can see you having fun exploring that. Jack and I can recommend a few artists when you’re ready,” Sean offered.
