"Maya, have you thought of Joshua's job offer?" he whispers.
Well, now I know what he's struggling with.
I bristle. This was not supposed to be brought up, I thoughtI made myself clear the last time. I rise up out of the water. Can I use this to pull away and save my heart? Can I push him away to protect him? Damn straight, I'll use this. I need to get away before this sniper comes after him.
"Duncan, we discussed this, I already have a job, possibly two."
"Baby, I want you here."
I stiffen. He does want me to give up my life.
"Why can't you move to DC?" I quip back.
"Do you want me to?" he says without hesitation.
Wait, what? He'll move for me? I didn't see that coming. He can't follow me, they'll still kill him.
"No, but it's a good question. Why must I give up my life?"
"Why, Maya? Why can't I move to DC with you? Why can't you move here?" He stands too.
I step out and start to dry off. I turn my back so he doesn't see the desolation in my eyes. I'll do whatever it takes to protect him.
Wait, oh God, no... I love him. I'll do this for my love.
As if reading my mind, his next words throw me off guard.
"Maya, I love you! I want to protect you from these stalkers. I want to have you in my life and my bed every day." I swing around to look at him, this really can't be happening.
Did he just say that? Oh God, no! I need to get out of here. I can't lose him too. I walk from the bathroom to the bedroom and start dressing. I will not jeopardize his life. He can't love me, that's how they died, and now with the threat of losing him, I've got to do this.
"Maya, where are you going?"
"I'm packing so I don't haveto tomorrow."
"STOP!" he yells at me.
"No, Duncan! You can't love me. It hasn't been enough time. You live here, I live there. We have demanding jobs. One of us could die." There's the crux of my phobia.
Someone else dying and leaving me all alone again.
I struggled with this during therapy and even more so since the shooting after the consulate gala. I've woken every night from nightmares of losing him. Now after today and the threat, I will not lose him too.
"Oh, baby, stop. I'm not going to die. If that war couldn't kill me, only you leaving me will." He walks to me, but I back up.
"No, Duncan, we said we'd keep it simple. This isn't simple, this is all fucked up. I have a job."
"Baby, I have a job too. One that I love as much as you love yours, but I'll quit and sell everything to become a bloody American if it means I can keep you."
"Stop, Duncan, I need to process all this." I throw on some yoga pants and a bra and T-shirt. I grab my now packed clothes and run for the door, grabbing my purse and leather jacket.
"MAYA, STOP! If you walk out now, you better be real sure before you come back." He's standing there naked, in all his glory, watching me. I grab my gun from the coat closet and place it in my purse.
"What the fucking hell does that mean?"
"You can only run once."
"Damn it, Duncan, I need some fucking time." I run out the door, leaving my heart right there. I left him. My last image of him is watching him fall to his knees as I walk out.
