"He's your what? I told you... You. Are. Mine. I don't share very well when it comes to you."
"I'm very much yours. Derek couldn't keep staying where he was, so I offered him a room. Plus, after my stalker showed up at the wedding, he bugged me until I let him move in again. He swore he'd not lose me too. I told you, he and Greg are like family. We used to live together, only as roommates while I was in college. I care about him, but not like I do you."
He pulls back slightly. I can't believe I just admitted I have feelings for him.
"When I met Derek, he had just lost everything he held dear. I was struggling with my loss too." I look down as my voice lowers.
"Okay, but what are you not telling me? I can read you, Maya, I know your tells."
"I tried to commit suicide." I choke.
Duncan pulls back a little, looking confused. Now he'll run. The panic is starting again, but this time I'll allow it. I need him to flee. I need him to not want me.
"What, when?" He shakes his head.
"After I went back to the States, I was so lonely. I missed Ana, James, and my parents so much. I struggled in school and I just wanted the pain to stop. I was angry, hurt, lost, and unwilling to talk to people. I couldn't sleep and that was playing a bigger role than I knew at the time. I was talking to your sister the night before what would have been my mom's birthday,I told her I was tired of all of it. She must have heard it in my voice. The next morning I skipped my classes and cut my wrist. Just as I was getting ready to cut the other, your father busted in the door and busted my ass. If he hadn't stopped me..."
I pull my watch away from my left wrist. It’s large and utilitarian—ugly—but it covers the scars of my pain, how low I'd sunk into my grief. I never take it off. Now, I use that injury to ground myself and remember how low I can sink.
I show him the scar. "I was screaming for help instead of trying to actually kill myself they say." He pulls my wrist up to his lips and kisses the mutilated tissue.
"Oh God, baby, I'd have lost you without knowing you. I'm so glad Ana and Dad were there for you. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I can't imagine your pain."
"This is why I have to help Ana. Your dad took me to the hospital. He called Greg, an old friend he knew through work. Greg told him about a grief counseling group his son was in. Your father got me into counseling and that group, that's how I met Derek. Your dad started making monthly visits to check on me, and he didn't stop until after I got on the force. He's become my dad too. He still calls me regularly. I was so weak and he didn't judge, he just hugged me and told me it would get better. He won't let me go back there, and I've done a lot to make sure I never will either. He, Ana, Derek, and Greg are all I have in this world."
"Wrong. You have me too." Duncan reaches down and lifts me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his hips. I don't ever want to leave here. This man is starting to mean so much to me. He kisses me so gently, I feel his emotions in that kiss.
"Duncan,I want you."
"Soon, baby, we need to finish with Joshua." He puts me down and I turn to notice this is his office. It's decorated in his gray tones and there are pictures of Ana and James around.
"Duncan, before I head back to the States, I want you to take me on that desk so you'll have a good memory until I come back." I point toward the large masculine desk. He growls and grabs my hand.
"I can arrange that." We head back to Joshua's office, time to get this finished.
"Everything good?" Joshua asks as we walk back up to his desk.
"Yes," we say together. I look up at Duncan and smile. He didn't run for the hills.
"Joshua, we need to run background on a Carl Nelson too. He's also been following Maya around. He was a former member of her ERT unit. All these bloody wankers coming out of the woodwork makes me think they're connected or something," Duncan states. I'd thought that earlier too.
"Before we talk any more, Joshua, you need to understand something, what's in that report happened a long time ago. I've grown and am much stronger now. I know what my limits are and I'm not mental or depressed. If I need to, I have someone I can talk to. I'm surprised you found it though because Greg helped bury it good." There, I defended myself.
"I never would have thought anything else. You didn't have to explain, we all have hit rock bottom at least once."
"Thank you. As for Derek, he isn't what you think, he's my friend."
"I know that too. You only have eyes for the big guy there." He smiles. "We all have pasts and we all need to learn fromthem. Hiding isn't the way around it." I see knowledge and understanding in his eyes.
"Joshua, Duncan, I need to explain to you what I've already done. Ana has a burner phone, cash to get her anywhere, a spare passport and ID, and an unregistered handgun. She's promised to use them if necessary. She also, as Duncan partially knows, is my sole beneficiary and has power of attorney of all my London holdings. The paperwork is in a pseudo name so Jonathon can't find it."
"A pseudo name?" Joshua asks.
"Yes, a name only she and I know. For now, I'll keep it to myself. Sorry, Duncan, but it's safer this way for her."
"Maya, I think we can do this without any upfront costs. If I need anything, I'll let you know. I had Timothy hack into your security feeds to see what he could see. He found some inconsistencies that need to be covered. Can you call Derek so we can talk to him too?"
"Now wouldn't be a good time. Can we do this without him?" I pause and decide to share the rest. "Also, Greg told me today that he was sent dead roses. They mean it's over. I'm not sure what's over with him, but I'm worried. I tried to talk him into going back to DC, but he won't." I look at my watch, noticing it's about eight in the morning in DC. Derek will be at the cemetery and around the park, reliving his hell. I didn't tell him about his father. Am I hurting them all?
