"No, he's a friend of your father's." She doesn't say any more.
We finish washing each other and get out. She dries off and puts her hair in a bun on the top of her head. I see her tattoo again and want to ask, but I don't want her to close up on me. I know enough to figure out there are names and part of the writing is Gaelic. Interesting. We climb into bed and I pull her to my side, where she cuddles up. It's going on six in the morning now and we don't need to be to Father’s house until eleven.
"Sleep, baby. I'll wake you up in a couple of hours."
"Thank you, Duncan. I just can't sleep by myself unless I take sleeping pills or am exhausted."
What the fuck! She'll be explaining that statement later.
"Baby, just don't run off again."
"I won't."
I settle in and close my eyes, enjoying the feel of her in my arms. This is the best feeling in the world. I don't want to ever stop holding her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
MAYA
I'm sitting in the first-class lounge at London Heathrow thinking back over the day. The nap with Duncan was wonderful. I usually can't sleep like that, and it was nice to wake up feeling rested. Not panicked. He made love to me slowly when he woke me up. I wanted a hard and fast fuck, but he controlled the whole experience and now I feel all confused.
He lives here, I live in DC. We both have jobs we love. With my stalker coming back in my life, changing this can't happen. I can't let another person die because of me.
We looked into each other's eyes the whole time and I could feel him banging into the walls around my heart. The loss is unavoidable, but I'm not ready to experience it again. I killed them. I'll not hurt someone else.
Derek texted me the meaning of the flowers. Gardenias represent a secret love and the single red rose means lifelongdevotion. Great, I've got an admirer who wants me for life. This has to be the same person. I can't have two stalkers with two different agendas. I shake off the negative thoughts and remember my day with Duncan.
On the way to James's home, I rode in Duncan's classic Aston Martin. His car mesmerized me. It was the hottest car I've ever seen—black with sleek lines and leather interior. His big body fit behind the wheel like a glove and the car purred. Shit, I felt like purring.
"Duncan, this car is so fucking hot, I want to drive it. What year is it?"
"Baby, that won't happen today, because when I see you behind the wheel of this car, I'll want to fuck you so hard the neighbors will ring the ole bills"
"I was thinking about fucking too, watching you drive. I want to climb on your lap and take a real ride." He groans.
"Baby, I can't believe I want you again, but I won't risk you getting hurt. So unless this car is parked, you aren't climbing into my lap." I laugh at him.
Shit, I laugh again, thinking back over that. He's serious about keeping me safe. Crazy man.
Brunch with James was fantastic. I forgot how much I missed being around him. I might have gone up to Boston regularly to see Uncle Marcus, but I'm closer to James. He was with me at the hospital, and I know my mother talked to him right before she died. Maybe someday he'll tell me about that conversation. I miss her so much, and Abba too, but she was always there even when I didn't do as perfect as Abba wanted. Plus, James is one of the few that were with me when the pain almost won.
James tried to talk me out of staying with the ERT, even Duncan attempted to get me to talk to his friend Joshua. I told them both that my mind was made up and if they didn't want me to walk out, they'd stop right then.
The best part was James and Duncan talked and seemed to get along really well. Ana will be excited when she comes home, they'll have a good foundation for a relationship started. I just hope they keep it up. When James comes to DC next week, I'll talk to him more about working the situation out with Duncan for Ana's sake.
Duncan and I were unable to spend any more time alone. James kept us at his home until I needed to check in for my flight. It was good. I didn't want to feel any more emotions than I already was. That's what I kept telling myself. James even wanted me to use his service to get to the airport. I almost took him up on the offer, but Duncan insisted he'd take me.
I could see him trying to work up to something on the way to the airport. Duncan kept squeezing the steering wheel and fidgeting. As we got closer to the airport, he got quieter and his mood seemed to darken. I needed to end it, but I couldn't say the words. He walked me right up to the security checkpoint. I was looking around, trying to avoid the feelings I was having. My chest was so tight I thought I'd have a heart attack.
"Maya." It had taken me a second to realize he’d stopped a couple steps behind me and was pulling my arm back.
"No, Duncan, I can't stay. Don’t ask me to," I’d said, trying to break his hold. He just tightened his grip more. I turned around to look at him.
"Maya, stop," he interrupted me. "I know you've got to go back. I know you have plans. I don't want to stop them. I knowwhat it's like to have people you care about try to force you to make decisions you don't wish to. Can we do a long-distance relationship? Just talk and get to know each other? I can't imagine being with anyone but you right now. I know this is fast, but being in the military and seeing what I have, I know you can't take life for granted. Please, baby?"
I’d walked the two steps back to him and right into his arms. I couldn’t help myself, he was right, life is short, and I know this. I wanted him too and only him. I've never felt like this. I'll just have to take care of this stalker on my own.
"Okay, Duncan, we will try," I’d said into his chest.
