He stretches his legs out in front of him and props himself on one elbow. He looks like a male model for a moment, posing on my bed in his sweatshirt, and I want to touch him again. I squeeze my hands into fists.
“No, Kendall,” he says. “That’s not what’s this is.”
We stare at each other. I’m sure my eyes are red-rimmed, but I don’t care. He’s now seen me at my absolute worst.
“I’m glad I won’t hate you forever now,” I say. “This was healing for me.”
He drops his head down, burying it in his forearm, and when he picks it up again, there’s resignation written on his face.
“You’re scared,” he says, “and it’s hurting both of us.”
“You think I don’t know that?” My fists clench. “But in case you were wondering, you did this. It was years ago, but you set it in motion. So I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“Fine. I’ve done all I can.” He kisses my forehead, then shoves himself up to sitting. He’s at the edge of my bed for a moment before he stands and stretches.
“All right. Well, good luck with med school.” His voice is high and thin.
“Thanks.” I don’t move.
With one last glance back at me, he steps out of my bedroom. I hear his heavy footsteps through the living room, and the door shuts behind him.
I cry some more that night. I cry until I’m exhausted from it, until sleep claims me.
23
KENDALL
The bright lights in the grocery store almost burn my eyes. I stare at a carton of strawberries, inspecting them for a full minute, then pick up another carton. They look the same. Why is this decision so hard?
It’s the day after my conversation with Grant. I’m raw, scraped out, tender.
I miss him already, somehow. I want to hear his voice. I want to bask in his attention, to give him my own. In the glare of the day, it’s hard to feel like I made the right decision.
I startle when my phone chimes.
Unknown Number
this is Theresa. Your daddy’s friend. He broke his phone in the wreck, but he was adamant I text you. Sorry to bother you
I stop just as I turn into the cereal aisle. Whatthe hell? What wreck?
Me
He was in a wreck? Is he okay?
Unknown number
Yes, day before yesterday. Busted up his femur and had to have surgery. He’s at the hospital in Lexington.
Someone slips around me, and I mutter a dazed apology since I’m standing in the middle of the aisle without moving. The wreck must have happened on the day we were supposed to meet. For once in my life, my dad really didn’t stand me up.
Me
How long’s he supposed to be there?
Unknown number
another day or so, then rehab most likely.
