Grant smiles at me. “You might have to do it yourself someday, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I’ll have to figure it out then.” I toss my trail mix package into the trash can. “What happened the last time?”
“Just a shitshow of epic proportions. One of our post-ops became hypotensive, another one had uncontrollable pain. Got called to the ED for two gunshots wounds. Felt like the world was falling apart around me.”
Dr. Planck shakes his head. “I have some of those stories from residency.” He almost looks wistful as he gulps his coffee.
We all exit the room at the same time to finish our day. Grant’s hand brushes along the small of my back, an unintentional graze, and I shiver. He aims a smoldering look in my direction as we walk behind Dr. Planck.
We don’t usually leave at the same time, but it works that day, in part because I linger a bit when I’m done. I won’t examine that.
“I didn’t know you were on call tonight,” I say as we walk down the hall together. It’s a bit of a hike to the parking garage given how large the hospital system is. “You don’t have to walk me to my car if you’re just going back to the hospital.”
“I need a little break anyway. Might grab some dinner too.”He turns his head toward me as we pass a large window. “What are your plans for tonight?”
“Dinner with my friends,” I say.
He nods. “You spend a lot of time with them, huh?”
“My three best friends from nursing school, yeah.” I swallow. We approach the door to the stairs, and he opens it for me to usher me ahead of him. “Maria, Gwen, and Joan. It’s hard to overstate what they mean to me, actually. I can’t explain it. We just clicked, and we all stayed in Louisville.”
“I’m glad you have that.” We finally reach the door that will take us out to the parking garage. “And what about people from high school? I noticed you talking to them at the reunion.”
“I see some of them occasionally.” I shrug. “None of them live in Blacksburg anymore, but they aren’t in Louisville either. So we have to be intentional about getting together.”
We’re almost to my car now.
“Are other people from home as obtuse as me? About recognizing you, I mean?”
“Some of them are. I’ve had others recognize me when I go back,” I say. I position myself next to my car door, and Grant edges closer to me. “They fawn over me. It’s uncomfortable.”
He laughs. “Yeah?”
“People love to talk about the weight loss. Like, what if I had cancer or something? They all act like I did some great, noble thing. It’s maddening.”
He’s so close now I can scent his gum again, spearmint this time. He’s probably chewing it so he can stay awake, and a little dart of empathy pricks me, something that’s been happening more frequently with him lately.
“For the record,” I say, “I’m not making out with you on hospital grounds anymore. That wasn’t a good idea in the first place.”
He hangs his head and groans. “I know.” He looks at me again. “Do you have any idea . . .?”
“What?”
“You know,” he murmurs. “How sexy you are.”
A flush starts in my toes and climbs up my body. This man is proving to be a problem for me. I don’t want to want him, but I do. He keeps doing sweet things like donating to charity and apologizing to me. He also seems to feel genuine remorse. A pang of warmth overwhelms me. I thought it was just horniness, but this could be something else. Indigestion, maybe.
“What did you want to talk about?” I take a deep breath to steady my heartrate.
“I just wanted to see how you’re feeling. About what’s going on here.” He gestures between us. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I don’t know. I hate talking about my feelings.”
“I gathered.” He plants a hand next to my head. “Have you always been like that?” His eyes are a little shiny. Is he okay? I’ve never seen this expression on him.
“I had to toughen up in high school, that’s for sure.” A sigh escapes me. “But honestly, a lot of that is just me.” I tap my foot. “What are you thinking?”
His frustrated laugh seeps into my skin. “Lots of things. But mostly, I’m so angry at myself for what I’ve done here. What I did. I like you, Kendall. I think we could have always been friends.”
